Monday, September 21, 2020


Breaking: Penlights Extinct

CHICAGO, IL - The American Association of Physical Exam Tools & Instruments (AAPETI) has announced that penlights are officially extinct, Gomerblog reports. "It is with both sadness and relief...
palliative care hot streak 35th straight patient

On a Hot Streak, Palliative Care Makes 35th Straight Patient DNR

LOS ANGELES, CA - Displaying once again why they are the most dominant subspecialty at Los Angeles Medical Center (LAMC) right now, Palliative Care has just extended their amazing streak again by...
standardized patient

Family Meeting Gone Awry: Patient Makes Medical Team DNR

KNOXVILLE, TN - In a palliative care-run family meeting that has gone completely awry, a patient and family has made their multidisciplinary inpatient medical team DNR/DNI with comfort measures only.
chapped lips hot mess express

All Aboard! Next Stop on the Hot Mess Express: ICU City!

ER STATION - All aboard! Health care professionals, have your tickets and IDs in hand as you get ready to step aboard the Hot Mess Express! This is the Hot...

Hospitalist Program Offers 7-Years-On/7-Years-Off Schedule

PHOENIX, AZ—Many hospitalist programs around the country follow a 7-on/7-off model where clinicians work long hours for 7 consecutive days followed by a full week off. One hospitalist program, however, has taken it a...

Spa Offers ‘Ultimate Relaxation’ With 55-Minute Carotid Sinus Massage

SANTA FE, MN - For guests who want to experience the ultimate in relaxation, the spa at the Inn of the Four Extremities is offering a 55-minute carotid sinus massage. It...
physician on toilet paper coffee sit-to-sh*t 29 seconds

Review: Lesser-Known Types of Enemas

Constipation is prevalent in hospitalized patients. Systematic reviews have shown that 99.7% of patients are constipated from prolonged bedrest or medication side effects, while 99.6% of health care professionals are constipated...
chapped lips hot mess express

Patient Formally Diagnosed as Acute on Chronic Hot Mess

SANTA FE, NM - After a battery of laboratory tests, radiographic imaging, and subspecialty consultations, a team of health care professionals has formally diagnosed their medically complex patient as an acute on...
Jerome Adams Surgeon General Surgeon Colonel

Surgeon General Turfs Public Health to Hospitalist General

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Citing the complex medical comorbidity of our country's citizens, Surgeon General Jerome Adams has turfed the public health to Hospitalist General Alice Stevens. "There is no...

New Medical Unit Quiet Hours Now From 3 PM to 2:59 PM

NASHVILLE, TN - In an effort to provide much needed peace and quiet for the medical staff, Unit 4G at Nashville Memorial Hospital has extended its quiet hours, which will now take...