Monday, August 10, 2020

Hospitalists

"Mostly useless!" credentialing process

Hospitalist Dictation at Home Goes Tragically Wrong

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ST. PAUL, MN - Dr. Dave Krieger was running late last Tuesday when, in retrospect, he made a terrible mistake: he decided to dictate his patient's history and physical (H&P) at home.  Here is the infamous dictation excerpt...

Tim Howard Hired by Hospitalist Group, Blocks 16 Admissions

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NORTH BRUNSWICK TOWNSHIP, NJ - Following an epic goalkeeping performance during a 2-1 defeat to Belgium, United States goalkeeper Tim Howard was soon hired by a hospitalist group in his home state of New Jersey...

Insomniac Cured After One Question, Wonders Why He Didn’t Think of It Before

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BISMARCK, ND - In an unprecedented success story, patient Igor Soapen has finally been relieved of the insomnia that plagued his life.  And he has Dr. Orcutt to thank for it. “I had insomnia for...
veterinarian

Veterinarian Turfs German Shepherd to Hospital Medicine

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MINNEAPOLIS, MN - Hospitalists at Minnesota Healthcare suffered one more devastating blow this morning as local veterinarian Tom Anderson turfed yet another animal, this time a German shepherd, to their service, citing a “busy...
explosion

Clinic Nurse and Doctor Suffer Burnout, Spontaneously Combust

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MIAMI, FL - Staff at Miami Health Clinic are mourning the loss of two well-loved and respected colleagues, Nurse Michelle Boosh and Dr. George Sssshblamm, after both tragically burned out and spontaneously combusted during...
social worker

Medical Clinical Social Worker Treats Hospitalist Breakdown, Early Stages

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SALT LAKE CITY, UT - Attempting to leave on time for the first time in two years, Jen was on her way towards the elevators before noticing Carol, a dedicated hospitalist talking to her...

Ask a Hospitalist

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Dear Hospitalist, I’ve been having chest pain for the past three weeks.  I get it right in the middle of the chest, it's worse when I move around, but goes away when I sit down...

Hospitalist Abusing Copy and Paste in Paper Charts

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CAPE COD, MA - A hospitalist at Cape Cod Medical Center, Dr. Chris Gallagher, has been under heavy scrutiny after being accused several weeks ago by his own hospital staff of abusing "copy and...
abdominal pain

Hospitalist Becomes Own Endless Loop

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In a stunning procession of events, nocturnist Angus "Kilty" McSwagger became the only known hospitalist to experience the so-called "admission mirror paradox."  Long speculated about and argued over by internal medicine savants, the paradox...
stressed medical student

Med Student Doing a Psych Rotation Writes Her Own Mental Status Exam

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MENTAL STATUS EXAM (MSE) - A female in her 20's looking stated age, recently changed out of sweatpants and into pajamas with a loud coffee stain.  Dark circles under her eyes prominent, and personal hygiene found lacking. ...
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