Ronaldo, Neymar Admit Magic Soccer Sprays Contain Dilaudid
CHICAGO, IL - Two of the world's best soccer players, Cristiano Ronaldo and Neymar, have told Gomerblog the secret ingredient that makes those magic soccer sprays just so magical: elephant doses of hydromorphone (Dilaudid).
"Truth...
European Society of Cardiology Recommends Aspirin Before World Cup Final Kickoff
MOSCOW, RUSSIA - Heeding the advice of the European Society of Cardiology (ESC) ahead of the 2018 FIFA World Cup Final at Luzhniki Stadium between France and Belgium, both French and Belgium officials have...
How Unfortunate: Thai Soccer Team Leaves AMA, Stuck in Cave Again
CHIANG RAI, THAILAND - The world rejoiced when a brave team of cave divers rescued 12 boys and their soccer coach from the Tham Luang Cave. Unfortunately Gomerblog has learned the 12 boys and...
New Report Shows Patients & July Interns Equally Frightened by One Another
NEW YORK, NY - Patients and July interns are all equally frightened by one another during the month of July, sometimes into August and even June the following year, this according to a new...
Paranoid Intern Rules Out TB with 99 Negative AFB Sputums
BOSTON, MA - Not taking any chances when it comes to his patient's and his very own health, July intern Reed Evans plans to rule out tuberculosis (TB) in his hospitalized patient not with...
After 14 Years of Medical Training, MD/PhD Still Unsure of Career Path
HOUSTON, TX - Despite 4 years of medical school, 3 years of PhD training, 5 years of child neurology residency, 1 year of clinical neurophysiology fellowship, and 1 year of epilepsy fellowship, Dr. Needmore...
New Brutally-Honest Bowel Prep ‘GoVyolently’ To Replace GoLytely
DENVER, CO - Dr. Krista Gustadson has had to explain the actual effects of GoLytely the patients undergoing bowel prep before a colonoscopy ever since starting her general surgery residency.
It always bothered Dr. Gustadson...
The Joint Commission Freshens Image, Rebrands Itself ‘The Joint’
OAKBROOK TERRACE, IL - The Joint Commission announced on Tuesday that in an effort to freshen its image, it will now simply be known as, “The Joint.” The announcement was made as part of...
Burned Out Primary Care Doctor’s Job Satisfaction Soars through the Roof Through “Mindfulness”
In her 11th year working in primary care, Dr. Stacey Canootskin started to notice feelings of irritability, depersonalization, anxiety, difficulty concentrating, and cynicism. Clicking boxes in the EMR and sifting through stacks of meaningless...
Huge-A** Pot of Coffee More Effective Than Bowel Prep for Colonoscopy
ATLANTA, GA - The American Gastroenterological Association (AGA) has told Gomerblog that drinking a huge-a** pot of coffee is officially the bowel prep of choice prior to colonoscopy, dethroning polyethylene glycol and other related compounds.
"The one...