Saturday, August 8, 2020

Curious Med Student Smells Finger After Digital Rectal Exam

BOSTON, MA – At the nation’s most prestigious medical school, Harvard Medical School, students were taught how to perform a digital rectal examination (DRE) on real patients for the first time. The DRE is...
champagne tap cava

Not Quite: Intern Claims Champagne Tap After Sticking Bottle of Moët & Chandon

BOSTON, MA - An intern’s initial excitement was quickly reeled in after his team pointed out that sticking a spinal needle through cork of a bottle of Moët & Chandon Imperial Brut did not...

Medical Intern Ready to Take Things to Next Level, Exchange Phone Numbers with Consultant

NEW YORK, NY – Medical intern Cardi Accath is nearing the end of her first month of inpatient medicine and she finally feels ready to take things to the next level. Every day for...
embarrassed medical studnet

Study: Patient Satisfaction Ratings Skyrocket When Patient First Seen By That One Really Slow...

SEATTLE, WA – A study published Tuesday in The Journal of Graduate Medical Education reports that patient satisfaction scores increase significantly when patients are first seen by “that one really smart, thorough, young doctor.”...

Tinder Acquires Scheduling Software AMiON, Creating TinderResident App

Following years of agony among chief residents attempting to input schedules into the interface, a major change is underway: Tinder is now acquiring AMiON, allowing AMiON users to monitor their call schedules and...
multiple choice test

Newly-Minted Third-Year Medical Student Puzzled by Lack of Multiple-Choice Question

Jenner Hobbs, a fresh new face on the internal medicine wards, is having trouble adjusting to his new environment. Having just finished the first United States Medical Licensing Examination, colloquially known as “Step”, Jenner...
signed off sign off

“New Intern” Added to Patient’s Problem List

Joining the ranks of “Congestive Heart Failure,” “Chronic Kidney Disease III,” and “Mood Disorder (Unspecified),” local patient Summer Days’ inpatient active problem list has expanded to include “New Intern” as well now that fresh...
physical exam

Ode to the Death of the Physical Exam

Here ye, here ye On this day we take the time to remember The loss of a fond friend, The physical exam Gone are the days Of the bedside JVP Absent a waves, dominant v waves, Now we just Lasix them...

NBME Announces Yet Another Board Examination STEP Up 4

PHILADELPHIA, PA - In an unexpected press release, the National Board of Medical Examiners (NBME) revealed that a new Step examination for the United States Medical Licensing Examination (USMLE) was being instituted. The new...
spay neuter frightened favorite pen

New Report Shows Patients & July Interns Equally Frightened by One Another

NEW YORK, NY - Patients and July interns are all equally frightened by one another during the month of July, sometimes into August and even June the following year, this according to a new...