Intern Asks Nurse for Multiple Choices Before Making Decision
On his first week as a surgery intern, Dane Colbert began what is sure to be a storied career in medicine by asking the nurse who paged him if he could have four options to...
Special Pyxis to Dispense American Flags & Flair
FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA, AMERICA - Hospitals and clinics across this great land of ours will be using special Pyxis machines to dispense American flags and flair to all patients hospitalized and all health...
Patriotic Call Lights, Pagers to Play National Anthem
WASHINGTON, DC - For those patients and providers in the nation's hospitals today, new special edition patriotic call lights, IV pumps, and pagers are being rolled out, which will replace the monotonous and loud...
Top 10 Ways to Get Invited to the Nurses’ Infamous Potluck Dinners
Physicians, if you haven’t heard of or been to some of the nurses’ break room potluck dinners you probably aren’t doing any of the items below. These glorious buffets are a prized secret that...
Patient Successfully Makes Appointment for the ED
LONG BEACH, CA – Nancy J. is well known to the local Emergency Department at St. Joseph, a community hospital in LA County. The affable 34-year-old woman has a complicated medical history, including fibromyalgia,...
Tufts Nurses Go On Strike, New Interns Forced To Be Nurses
BOSTON, MA – Due to the recent nursing strike at Tufts Medical Center, the hospital is now forcing its new interns to also be nurses. The interns have been on the job for a little...
Charmin Profits As July Interns Sh*t Themselves
GREEN BAY, WI - Proctor & Gamble's toilet paper brand Charmin expects to see profits soar throughout July as new interns flood hospitals in a blazing mess of ineptitude and start sh*tting themselves with reckless abandon.
"The...
Nursing Advice Line Renamed ‘Go to ER’ Line
CHICAGO, IL - In a stunning announcement today, leadership at the Association for Telephonic Nurse Advisors reported that effective June 1st their flagship "Nurse Advice Line" would be renamed the "Go to ER" line.
"We...
Physicians Hold Drexit Vote, Doctors Exit Medicine
KANSAS CITY, KS - A large, synchronous exhale was heard this morning as the results of Drexit, or Doctors Exiting Medicine, came in. Millions of doctors around the country voted to leave medicine this Saturday....
Vaccines Cause Children to Love Minecraft
It really couldn’t be more obvious, just look around. We NEVER saw a child playing Minecraft when I was growing up, never. Now it’s everywhere. What is also happening? The mass-vaccination of our precious...