Sunday, May 5, 2024

Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation

Physicians Hold Drexit Vote, Doctors Exit Medicine

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KANSAS CITY, KS - A large, synchronous exhale was heard this morning as the results of Drexit, or Doctors Exiting Medicine, came in.  Millions of doctors around the country voted to leave medicine this Saturday....
virtual runner treadmill

Treadmill Drama: A**Hole Virtual Runner Won’t Move Out of the Way

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BIRMINGHAM, AL - With a rare opportunity to exercise, third-year surgical resident Jason Mann's excitement to go running on his apartment complex treadmill this morning quickly faded less than one mile into the run...
wine for surgical prep

VIP Treatment Offers Merlot, Pinot Noir as Surgical Prep

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MILL VALLEY, CA - As hospitals across the country merge into corporate conglomerates, they lose their identity, much like identical Walmarts taking out Mom and Pop shops, leaving poor residents without the ability to...
unsteady gate

Hospitalist Consults PT to Assess Unsteady Gate

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VININGS, GA - Concerned that it is now high risk and a fall is imminent, hospitalist Martin Halvorson has asked if physical therapy (PT) could come to his front yard and assess his unsteady...

Female Doctors Now Required to Show ID During Flight Emergencies

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ATLANTA, GA - Delta Airlines announced that "all female physicians will need to show identification during an in-flight emergency."  They are coming off of their latest controversy where a flight attendant wouldn't believe a female African-American...
elevator physical therapy PT

Busted: PT Caught Taking Elevator Down One Flight

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ASHEVILLE, NC - In breaking news to Gomerblog this morning, an extremely embarrassed physical therapist Alvin Guzman has been caught red-handed this morning taking the elevator only one flight down from the second floor...
patient

Patient Discharged to Rehab to Acquire UTI

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AUGUSTA, GA - Patient Larry Michelson is thrilled he will be going to subacute rehab today where, if everything goes according to plan, he will acquire a urinary tract infection (UTI) within the next...
mars essential oils

Mars Probe Discovers River of Essential Oils

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WASHINGTON:  Surprising revelations keep coming from the red planet, as NASA’s Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter (MRO) was able to direct one of the Mars surface rovers to a river it spotted last week.  The rover...
laughter best medicine Ativan

Breaking: Ativan is the Best Medicine, Laughter Falls to Sixth

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BOSTON, MA - Is laughter the best medicine?  Not any more.  According to a new poll of physicians and other medical providers published in the New England Journal of Medicine, Ativan is the best medicine with laughter falling...