Thursday, July 21, 2022

Primary Care

Man ‘Accidentally Falls’ on Gerbil That Ran Through Lube

MEMPHIS, TN – A local resident presented to the emergency room with an unusual complaint this evening.  Chief complaint: "My bottom really hurts." At first he was reluctant to say anything.  "He told me his bottom hurt,"...

CDC Warns of Emerging Disease Deemed ‘Panniculolithiasis’

ATLANTA, GA - The CDC has issued an advisory regarding a new disease being reported sporadically across the country.  There have now been over 250 confirmed cases of what the agency has named “panniculolithiasis.” The...
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CDC Confirms Ebola Transmitted Via Patient Satisfaction Surveys

ATLANTA, GA - Yesterday, the CDC finally established a link explaining a frightening and puzzling Ebola case.  A patient with no known Ebola exposures in Raleigh, NC fell ill with the virus last week and...

Pain Detector Gives Actual Pain Score

JERSEY CITY, NJ - A great new invention coined PAIN, short for Pain Acquiring Instrument Neat-O, is starting to be utilized in ERs across the east coast after a recent FDA approval.  Typically when a...

Report: Hospital CEO Was a Big Help in Clinic Today

ST. LOUIS, MO – Outpatient care sources are reporting that Sacred Heart Hospital CEO David Larson III really helped out during clinic today. "Dave really went the extra mile," said clinic nurse Wilma Doggins.  "He...

“Rare Diseases” Give Jenny McCarthy Lifetime Achievement Award

LOS ANGELES, CA - Thursday night the 197,788th annual Rare Disease Awards - formally known as the Common Disease Awards - brought the house down at the Staples Center. The usual celebrities graced the red carpet: SARS,...
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Breaking News! Baby Scores Perfect APGAR Scores of 10 and 10

ST. LOUIS, MO - GomerBlog is on the scene of breaking news coming out of Busch Hospital in St. Louis, Missouri.  Initial reports are indicating that a newborn baby girl has scored a perfect 10...
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Why I Became a Hospital Administrator

After carefully surveying the shifting American healthcare landscape for the past decade, I retired from my increasingly headache filled private practice and said to myself, "Self, you can’t beat ‘em, so join ‘em." No longer...
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Antibiotic Cures Common Cold Virus

PHOENIX, AZ - Doctors in Arizona have discovered a revolutionary cure to the common cold.  On October 1, John Sniffles entered the emergency department at Valley Hospital.  After a seven-hour wait, he was seen by...

Hospital Custodial Manager: ‘I Love Irritating the S**t Out of Them’

CLEVELAND, OH - GomerBlog reporters are able to confirm that custodial staff at Memorial Hospital do indeed intentionally buff floors and clean bathrooms at the most inopportune time.  Head custodial manager Wilson Mayers accidentally...