Saturday, November 19, 2022

Primary Care

“Rare Diseases” Give Jenny McCarthy Lifetime Achievement Award

LOS ANGELES, CA - Thursday night the 197,788th annual Rare Disease Awards - formally known as the Common Disease Awards - brought the house down at the Staples Center. The usual celebrities graced the red carpet: SARS,...
APGAR 10 Apgart Apgar(t) troponin troponins

Breaking News! Baby Scores Perfect APGAR Scores of 10 and 10

ST. LOUIS, MO - GomerBlog is on the scene of breaking news coming out of Busch Hospital in St. Louis, Missouri.  Initial reports are indicating that a newborn baby girl has scored a perfect 10...

ER Places Bowl Full of Percocet in Waiting Room, Lowers Visits

HANOVER, NJ – Local emergency medicine physicians have developed a groundbreaking way to reduce the number of patients they will see during a shift.  The new policy mimics a common Halloween tradition: leave a bowl...

Man ‘Accidentally Falls’ on Gerbil That Ran Through Lube

MEMPHIS, TN – A local resident presented to the emergency room with an unusual complaint this evening.  Chief complaint: "My bottom really hurts." At first he was reluctant to say anything.  "He told me his bottom hurt,"...

CDC Warns of Emerging Disease Deemed ‘Panniculolithiasis’

ATLANTA, GA - The CDC has issued an advisory regarding a new disease being reported sporadically across the country.  There have now been over 250 confirmed cases of what the agency has named “panniculolithiasis.” The...
hospital ceo salary

CDC Confirms Ebola Transmitted Via Patient Satisfaction Surveys

ATLANTA, GA - Yesterday, the CDC finally established a link explaining a frightening and puzzling Ebola case.  A patient with no known Ebola exposures in Raleigh, NC fell ill with the virus last week and...

Pain Detector Gives Actual Pain Score

JERSEY CITY, NJ - A great new invention coined PAIN, short for Pain Acquiring Instrument Neat-O, is starting to be utilized in ERs across the east coast after a recent FDA approval.  Typically when a...
lawyers drinking

Proposition 46 in California Designed by Inebriated Trial Lawyers, Sparks Proposition 47 and 48

SACRAMENTO, CA - A ferocious yearlong battle over Proposition 46 will be decided in California at the polls this upcoming November.  Proposition 46 includes proposals to drug test physicians, to raise caps on medical malpractice...
fantasy medicine

Fantasy Medicine: Who’s Hot, Who’s Not

Before July 1, many of this year’s rookie class were considered average at best and were rarely selected in any rounds of fantasy leagues worldwide.  However, what we have witnessed in the first three...
lab tests

Local Woman: ‘I Need All My Labs Drawn’

EAST LANSING, MI – Local patient Sheryl Harris came to clinic today with a chief complaint of "I need all my labs drawn." When questioned what specific labs she was referring to, she responded, "All...