Primary Care

Patient Allergic to Epinephrine, Dies When Doctor Suddenly Slams Door

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HAMPTON, NJ - Local resident Shelly McDonald died suddenly on Thursday when she was at her doctor's office.  Her doctor is currently being charged with malpractice on...

Hollywood Good Guy Matt Damon Opens Up About EBV Positivity

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NEW YORK, NY - Matt Damon shocked medically illiterate TV viewers on Friday morning’s Today Show when he confirmed that he is positive for...
placebo pill

Pharma on the Search for Second Generation Placebo

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After decades of clinical drug trials involving placebos,Placebo pills now have too many side effects.  We need a second generation placebo pill the pharmaceutical...
bad diet

Hospital Introduces ‘American Diet,’ Patient Satisfaction Soars

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LOUISVILLE, KY - Patients and medical staff are abuzz about the University of Louisville Medical Center’s (ULMC) new dietary option: the American diet.  It...

86-Year-Old Man Finally Passes Swallowed Gum from Childhood

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CINCINNATI, OH – Last Tuesday, against all odds, 86-year-old Gerald Reynolds, finally passed gum swallowed during his childhood.  Experts everywhere have stressed to children,...
hospital door cms

New CMS Guideline: Door-to-Dilaudid Time

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WOODLAWN, MD - Today the Center for Medical Surveys (CMS) announced a radical change to benchmarking and patient satisfaction surveys.  Realizing the opportunity to...
new planet

NASA: New Planet Discovered with Equatorial Volcano and Rivers of Lava

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a news conference held early this morning, NASA astronomers announced they have discovered a new planet next to Pluto with features...
common cold

Antibiotic Cures Common Cold Virus

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PHOENIX, AZ - Doctors in Arizona have discovered a revolutionary cure to the common cold.  On October 1, John Sniffles entered the emergency department at...
doctors and administrators clapping

Hospital Administrators Think High Healthcare Costs Fixed by Hiring More Hospital Administrators

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WASHINGTON, DC - CEOs of major US hospitals are breaking their silence and coming out in favor of hiring more hospital administrators.  CEO of...
gluten allergy

After Binging on Pizza and Beer, Local Man Claims to Have Gluten Allergy

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BERKELEY, CA – Local resident Charles Longfellow is no stranger to beer.  “A typical weekend I’ll go through a couple cases,” he told reporters...