Primary Care

Report: Essential Hypertension, Not at All Essential

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PITTSBURGH, PA - Scientists discovered Wednesday that essential hypertension is not at all essential for life.  "We were totally wrong when we discovered hypertension,"...
elf getting sick

Collection of Hospital Holiday Decoration Pics

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We want to thank our fans for these hospital holiday decorations crafted with hospital materials (don't tell the hospital administrators), exceptional wit, and extreme...
icu pumps

American Geriatrics Association Publishes Guidelines on Gomeritis

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The American Geriatrics Association has finally published its guidelines on gomeritis, a complex entity caused by the progressive deterioration of a gomerular brain.  A...

Justin Timberlake: I’m Bringing Measles Baaaack

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Recently Justin Timberlake announced to the world that he is not planning to vaccinate his child.  Evidently all the scientific evidence looks different behind...
diabetes medications in food

McDonald’s Introduces Value Meals With Cholesterol and Diabetes Medications Blended In

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BOCA RATON, FL - In a landmark move being hailed as "a potential solution to the obesity epidemic" plaguing the U.S., the McDonald's Corporation announced...
hobby lobby birth control pills

Hobby Lobby’s Pharmacies Continue to Sell Birth Control While Denying Workers Coverage

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OKLAHOMA, OK - Hobby Lobby's pharmacies will continue to sell contraceptives after the company's recent Supreme Court victory.  "The contraceptive business, I mean craft...
doc mcstuffins

Study: Doc McStuffins More Evidence-Based Than Dr. Oz

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ANAHEIM, CA - Public health researchers have published the results of a new study which sought to objectively measure the quality of medical advice given...
sitbit

Medical Device Company to Debut Sitbit

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Medical device company Pulsa Tech is unveiling the new Sitbit this week.  Similar to its popular predecessor the Fitbit and Sh*tbit,...
emergency department

Patient in ED Knows Nothing About Medical History, Surgeries, or Medications

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SAN JOSE, CA - When Dr. Anderson, a seasoned emergency room attending, went into room 14 late last night, he experienced a first in...
doctor on phone

This Patient Really Belongs on Your Service

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Commentary by a Doctor of a Kind Different From Your Kind Hi.  I’m really sorry to be waking you at an hour such as this...