Primary Care

astrology

Astrological Signs Predict What Kind of Patient You Are

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA — An assembly of doctors who keep notes about the behavior of their patients grouped by astrological sign has released its...

Barn Birthing Centers Gaining Popularity Across Nation

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BROOKLYN, IA – A new birthing option for expectant mothers is currently taking the nation by storm.  Barn birthing will soon supplant the water birth as...
abdominal pain

Hospitalist Becomes Own Endless Loop

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In a stunning procession of events, nocturnist Angus "Kilty" McSwagger became the only known hospitalist to experience the so-called "admission mirror paradox."  Long speculated...
geriatric patient survived

Geriatric Patient Miraculously Survives a 4-Day Weekend in the Hospital

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NORTH PLATTE, NE - It was a true Christmas miracle for geriatric patient, Alfred Dwindles, when he found himself alive and without significant healthcare-induced...
cheetos sign

New Cheetos Finger Decision Rule for Abdominal Pain

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ANDERSON, CA - In a bold move, the Emergency Physicians at St Vincent Hospital in Anderson California have introduced the “Cheetos Fingers” sign into...
pelvic exam

Tele-GYNs Now Offering Virtual Pelvic Exams

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GWINNETT, GA - OB/GYNs are the latest specialists to join the telemedicine craze in America, as Georgia Healthcare announced that their doctors, NPs, and PAs...
icu pumps

American Geriatrics Association Publishes Guidelines on Gomeritis

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The American Geriatrics Association has finally published its guidelines on gomeritis, a complex entity caused by the progressive deterioration of a gomerular brain.  A...

Hospital with Low Survivability Submits Plans for New Employee Draft

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DELAWARE - Recent published reports state morbidity and mortality rates are absolutely atrocious for Community Hospital.  According to the US News & World ratings...
medical students

Straight-A Medical Student Eager to One Day Have Very Own Patients Who Completely Ignore...

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ST. LOUIS, MO - Expressing that there would be “no greater conceivable opportunity to help others,” top-of-her-class medical student and part-time brownnoser Isabelle Wessington...
veterinarian

Veterinarian Turfs German Shepherd to Hospital Medicine

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MINNEAPOLIS, MN - Hospitalists at Minnesota Healthcare suffered one more devastating blow this morning as local veterinarian Tom Anderson turfed yet another animal, this...