New Multivitamin Cures Cancer, Heart Disease, Famine, Evil
SAN DIEGO, CA - A new miracle multivitamin released by pharmaceutical company Pfizer last month has taken the world by storm as it not...
Alcoholic Fills Out Negative Patient Survey for Care Received on Christmas Morning
NEW ORLEANS, LA - 52-year-old Milton Applewood, a raging alcoholic who visits Holy Cross Hospital on a weekly basis, was appalled at the medical...
How to Become Gluten Intolerant
Ever wonder how you can become gluten intolerant even if you don't actually have gluten intolerance or celiac disease? We have found a video...
$1.3 Billion Saved by Eliminating Common Greetings in Patient Encounters Claim Managed Care Administrators
NEWPORT, RI - Managed care administrators have calculated that if physicians eliminate common greetings towards patients in the exam room, savings could mount in...
This Store Provides Real Allergies to Get the Medication you Want
BEVERLY HILLS, CA — Natalie Speede-Faster really needed to get back on Adderall. Her stupid internist was “concerned” because Natalie always wanted a higher...
Hospice Agencies Pioneering a Different Approach to the Decidedly Unglamorous Process of Dying
“Our clients customize their own End of Living Plans down to the finest details,” mused company spokesperson Delilah Banerjee. “Their final months, days, and...
A Modern Hippocratic Oath for Hospital Administrators
Going forward, I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this cost-saving and value-added covenant:
I am an agent of change...
Elephant Complains of Chest Pain ‘Like a Human Sitting on My Chest’
NEW YORK, NY - At approximately 6:00 AM this morning, a local elephant named Eli the Elephant developed excruciating ten out of ten chest...
Doctors and Nurses Form ‘The Gigantic Commission’ to Accredit The Joint Commission
SAN DIEGO, CA - With recent concerns over the credentials of employees of The Joint Commission (JC), doctors and nurses have formed a separate regulating...
Patient Perfects ‘Sliding Scale Dilaudid’ Regimen at Home
MONROE, NC - A North Carolina woman has invented a new pain management protocol for herself, and she has experienced incredible success with controlling...