Primary Care

need coffee

Crisis Brewing as Unit 61’s Coffee Machine Broken

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SEATTLE, WA - A huge crisis is brewing at Arabica Medical Center this morning as medical staff have discovered that the hospital’s best coffee...
abdomen

Physical Exam Tips: The Abdomen

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Two things are needed for a spectacular abdominal exam: luck and an abdomen.  The following review focuses on different aspects of the abdominal exam,...
insulin

FDA Bans Insulin Amid Reports of Increased Amputations and Other Life Threatening Diseases

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MEMPHIS, TN – The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced on Monday that they are pulling insulin off the shelves across the country.  "We...

Old Man Tired of Giving Medical History

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GOSHEN, MI - A local man with multiple medical problems decided to tape record his medical history to playback instead of repeating himself at...
Future Beach Front Property

National Arthritic Society Lobbies for Climate Change

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WASHINGTON, DC – The Koch Brothers and the National Arthritic Society (NAS) have teamed up to encourage global warming.  It all started in the Land...
patient satisfaction survey

Patient Satisfaction Survey Study Halted, Mortality Increased 238% with Patient Satisfaction

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LOS ANGELES, CA - "We have to halt this study immediately!" was a warning issued by lead researcher, Dr. Hans Willford from UCLA.  "Long-term mortality...
styrofoam stetoscope

Styrofoam Cup Outperforms Crappy Disposable Stethoscope

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ABSTRACT Given the increased proliferation of multidrug resistant (MDR) microorganisms, it is considered standard of care to use patient-dedicated, disposable, or “crappy” stethoscopes to prevent...
ventilator

2016 Updated Laws of the House of God

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If you haven't read The House of God yet and you are in medicine, stop reading our blog and go read it.  It really...
doctor prescribing

Doctor’s Last Drug-Rep Pen Running Out of Ink, Future Prescription Decisions Uncertain

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CRANQUISVILLE, USA - The Affordable Care Act of 2010 brought many changes to the US healthcare (insurance) system, and doctors have already felt the...
medical student adorbs CAGE questionnaire infectious enthusiasm

Med Student with Crushing Debt Terrified He Will Like Family Medicine

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MAYWOOD, IL - Citing concerns about his crushing debt, local 3rd-year med student Aaron Ferguson reports that he is “terrified” he will enjoy his...