Primary Care

Gas-X brain farts

Neurologists Recommend Gas-X for Treatment of Brain Farts

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MINNEAPOLIS, MN - The American Academy of Neurology (AAN) has updated their guidelines for the diagnosis and management of brain farts, a condition characterized...

Pseudoseizure: Please Practice Before Coming to the ED

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MILWAUKEE, WI - Emergency department staff at Elm Grove Methodist Medical Center thoroughly enjoyed the complete nonsensical seizure performance by a local homemaker. Carol Whitaker, 43, of...
medical consult

What ‘Thank You for the Interesting Consult’ Really Means, Part 1

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Initial consult notes usually end with the following line: Thank you for the interesting consult.  What does that really mean?  In the first of...
alternative medicine

Homeopathic Burn Remedy Effective, Allopaths Stunned

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DENVER, CO - Doctors, skeptics, and the scientific community as a whole, were stunned today when the North American branch of the Society for...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Advises Robert De Niro To Be Sent To Jail Until Deemed Safe

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ATLANTA, GA - Last week Robert De Niro pushed for the Andrew Wakefield (yes, that Wakefield) film Vaxxed to be screened.  "We need to have the...
pediatric er

League of Pediatricians Lobbying For New ICD-10 Codes: ‘Probably a Virus’ & ‘First-Time Mother’

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In light of the new ICD-10 roll out, the League of Pediatricians has come forth with a mission statement set to dispel the requirement...

A Breakup Letter to the Z-Pack

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Dear Z-Pack, We’ve had a good run together. But, my dearest azithromycin, it is time for us to end our love affair. It’s not you....
medical students

Optimistic, Bright-Eyed Med Students Eager to Transform into Jaded, Burned-Out Physicians

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ATLANTA, GA - Like a caterpillar ready to mature into a beautiful butterfly, bright-eyed graduating medical students across the nation are eager to begin...
dogs in cage at er

Veterinary ER Incapacitated by Doggie Psych Holds

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DURHAM, NC - A local veterinary ER is currently open but essentially non-functional, as 8 of its 10 treatment rooms are occupied by suicidal...
mars

NASA Plans to Build a Skilled Nursing Facility on Mars

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MERRITT ISLAND, FL - Scientists have been planning a human mission to Mars for exploration and habitation for decades.  Successful travel to and habitation of...