Primary Care

A Growing Trend with Men, Vasectomy Procedure Plans

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CHICAGO, IL - Recently a new trend has been spreading like wildfires throughout urology and family medicine clinics in the US…Vasectomy Procedure Plans.  Many...
New England Journal of Medicine New England Journals

Doctor Summons Courage to Toss Unread New England Journals

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PITTSBURGH, PA - Sometimes it's better to acknowledge one's own shortcomings and move on.  That is why we're saluting a hero, internist Dr. Keisha...
Rand Paul

Rand Paul’s Medical Credibility Lowered to Jenny McCarthy’s Level

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KENTUCKY - In a shocking statement released today by Rand Paul, a well-respected Kentucky senator and ophthalmologist, he believes vaccines can lead to "mental...
camera crew for inspections

NFL Grants Seahawks’ Team Physician Access to Randomly Check Brady’s Balls

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NEW YORK, NY - NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced yesterday his plan to address the New England Patriots’ latest veiled attempt to bend league rules to...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Quarantines Jenny McCarthy

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ATLANTA, GA -- Due to the severe flu outbreak this season, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has decided to examine the...

Surface of Mercury Less Toxic Than Hospital Work Environment

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WASHINGTON, DC - Scientists at the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) have analyzed data suggesting that the surface of Mercury, though not suitable for...

Report: Essential Hypertension, Not at All Essential

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PITTSBURGH, PA - Scientists discovered Wednesday that essential hypertension is not at all essential for life.  "We were totally wrong when we discovered hypertension,"...
nursing home accident

Octogenarian Ejected in Grisly Power-Chair Accident

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BRADENTON, FL - The dining room at Shady Village Retirement Center was a hellish scene of twisted metal, blood, sinew, and mashed potatoes last week, as...
An alcoholic dream

Alcoholic Fills Out Negative Patient Survey for Care Received on Christmas Morning

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NEW ORLEANS, LA - 52-year-old Milton Applewood, a raging alcoholic who visits Holy Cross Hospital on a weekly basis, was appalled at the medical...

Pain Detector Gives Actual Pain Score

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JERSEY CITY, NJ - A great new invention coined PAIN, short for Pain Acquiring Instrument Neat-O, is starting to be utilized in ERs across the...