The Search for the Remains of Jimmy Hoffa Turns to ABIM’s Philadelphia Condo
PHILADELPHIA, PA - The decades-long search for Jimmy Hoffa took yet another an unexpected turn this week following revelations that the American union labor leader...
Study: 4th Graders with Google Better Doctors Than 96% of New Medical Student Graduates
BIRMINGHAM, AL - A new study published last week in Barney and Friends magazine revealed that 4th graders, if given a computer with internet search access, were...
Doctor Confused by Record Number of Honest Patients
SACRAMENTO, CA - In a truly unusual streak of luck, Dr. Joy Arbor of Sacramento Family Health had all honest patients on her panel...
20 Out of 10 Medical Providers Annoyed by Patients’ Misuse of Pain Scales
ATLANTA, GA - According to a new study by the Centers for Pain Control & Other Nonsense (CPCON), a whopping 20 out of 10...
Devious MRSA Spider Bites Yet Another Antecubital Fossa, Remains at Large
GASTONIA, NC - Following an all-too-familiar recent theme, a new patient was assaulted last week by a psychotic spider rampaging through the South.
Earl Wayne...
Wilderness Medicine Residency Approved by ACGME, Offers to Pay Trainees in Pine Cones
BURLINGTON, VT - Enter the profession of wilderness medicine – every closeted survivalist’s dream come true and a quaint throwback to an era where it was...
Woman with a Cold Thoroughly Fills Out ED Comment Card
ST. LOUIS, MO - Mandy Tremboll, a suburbanite fighter for justice with absolutely no situational awareness, had the audacity to fill out a comment card...
Millions of Americans Battling Panic Disorder, Forgot to Move ‘Elf on the Shelf’ Variant
ATLANTA, GA - The CDC has confirmed that a new anxiety syndrome has reached epidemic levels among parents nationwide. Panic Disorder, Forgot to Move...
Doctors and Nurses Form ‘The Gigantic Commission’ to Accredit The Joint Commission
SAN DIEGO, CA - With recent concerns over the credentials of employees of The Joint Commission (JC), doctors and nurses have formed a separate regulating...
Doctor Achieves Lifelong Dream of Quitting Medicine Forever
“Finally!” he exclaimed, throwing his white coat, scrubs, and stethoscope onto a pile of logs. “I can’t believe I made it!”
Meet Hunter McCutchen. He...