Primary Care

hospital buffet

Profits Soar After Area Hospital Opens ‘All You Can Eat/Shoot Narcotics Buffet’

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In response to poor HCHAPS scores and declining revenue, St John’s in the Valley has become the first hospital in the nation to trial...
rectal exam glove

Rectal Exam Nuisance: New Product Changing the Way We Look at Cheeks

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MIAMI, FL - A new product by Telameto Corporation has emergency practitioners cheering for joy.  The inefficiencies of the rectal exam will quickly be...
pokemon go

Pokemon Go Video Game Gets People To Go Outside

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CHICAGO, IL - Doctors are flabbergasted by what Nintendo has achieved. For years, they have been telling patients to stop playing video games and...
patient in pain

Patient with 9 Listed Allergies and ‘High Pain Tolerance’ Actually Has a High Pain...

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TOPEKA, KS – Local ER Physician Dr. Onlee Cönsults claims he met the Great White Buffalo of ER patients during his shift last evening...
pencil by medical specialty

Describe This Pencil by Medical Specialty

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Your specialty of choice fosters a certain way of doing things. We polled residents from several different specialties and asked them to describe this...
pinecones

Wilderness Medicine Residency Approved by ACGME, Offers to Pay Trainees in Pine Cones

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BURLINGTON, VT - Enter the profession of wilderness medicine – every closeted survivalist’s dream come true and a quaint throwback to an era where it was...
man eating and smoking

Hospital Merges with Fast Food, Tobacco Companies to ‘Stay Competitive’

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CHICAGO, IL - As you pass by the ER entrance at Cook County Hospital, the unmistakable aroma of grease, processed burgers, and cigarette smoke...
cyborg emr

Apocolyptic Electronic Medical Record Becomes Self-Aware

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"And just like that, the world burned."  Those haunting words were discovered deep within a nursing note by hospitalist Kilty McSwagger while he was...
gout

Patient Continues to Insist He Suffers from “The Gouch,” Not Gout

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NEW YORK, NY - Larry McCarthy is a 65-year-old gentleman who doesn’t believe in the classic food pyramid; he believes in meat and alcohol...
doctor in er

Primary Care Physician Shocked to Hear Young Male Not Presenting for Penis Problem

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On Thursday, September 27th of the year 2018, Dr. Lauren Deeply Indebt received the shock of her life: a young healthy male presented to...