Breaking: Patient Reports 9 Out of 10 (Emotional) Pain
SAN DIEGO, CA - Laura Martin reported that she was in pain when her nurse came to check in on her.
"How bad is your...
Renegade Clan of Nap Specialists Declare Independence from Sleep Medicine
DARIEN, IL - In a startling development, a renegade clan of nap specialists known as “The Nappers” have seceded from the American Association of...
Uber Rolls Out New ED-to-ED Transit Service for Drug Seekers
PHILADELPHIA, PA - Filling a niche in a market that has been underserved for years, on-demand transportation company, Uber, has rolled out a novel...
Hypochondriacs Try to Cope with Pandemic: It’s Not Going So Wel
SICKLERVILLE, NJ—Local hypochondriac, Emma Dyne, is not taking any chances with the coronavirus pandemic. For the last month, the 25-year-old healthy woman has worn...
Drug Seeker Fills Entire Emesis Bucket with Noise Before Receiving Dilaudid
DAYTONA BEACH, FL - Deborah Samson, a 47-year-old non-diabetic drug seeker with a terrible but mysterious case of opioid-induced abdominal pain, was forced last week...
Combative Little Old Lady Requires Record-Breaking 11-to-1 Sitter
SEATTLE, WA - Looks can be deceiving. 87-year-old Marsha Lynch may look like a lovely little old lady, but when she sundowns, she’s one...
Patient Goes on Tangent About Sines & Cosines
ATLANTA, GA - Though primary care physician (PCP) Evelyn Waters asked patient Phillip Rose how he was doing with lifestyle changes in regards to...
Hospital Pilots Pet Therapy with Black Bears, Grizzlies
VALHALLA, NY - Hospital administrators at Westchester Medical Center are piloting a new pet therapy program using service animals - black bears and grizzlies,...
American Geriatrics Association Publishes Guidelines on Gomeritis
The American Geriatrics Association has finally published its guidelines on gomeritis, a complex entity caused by the progressive deterioration of a gomerular brain. A...
CDC Issues Blood Gravy Content Chart for Thanksgiving
ATLANTA, GA - Ahead of Thanksgiving, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has issued a new blood gravy content (BCG) chart, reminding...