Psychiatry

Breaking: Hulk Hogan Has Hulkadepression

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BEVERLY HILL, CA - After several decades of recurrent episodes of Hulkamania, retired pro-wrestler Hulk Hogan has been formally diagnosed with his first episode...
lawn chair

Psychiatrist Downsizes Psychiatry Couch to Crappy Lawn Chair

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LOS ANGELES, CA - The direct result of budgetary cutbacks and an attempt to stay afloat, psychiatrist Eric Tavernier has downgraded his psychiatry couch for...

Medical Specialties as Harry Potter Characters

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Dolores Umbridge, Corenelius Fudge, Percy Weasley- Administration- you operate on a sliding scale of likability and we aren’t sure if you’re evil, rigid, or...
stressed medical student

Med Student Doing a Psych Rotation Writes Her Own Mental Status Exam

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MENTAL STATUS EXAM (MSE) - A female in her 20's looking stated age, recently changed out of sweatpants and into pajamas with a loud coffee stain.  Dark...
wristbands

Hospital Wristband Finally Identify ‘Pain in the A**’ Patients

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SILICON VALLEY, CA – Following failed internal quality improvement efforts targeting drug-seeking patients, one California hospital took on a new tactic for difficult-to-deal-with patients. Like...
psychiatrist

To Hide Identity from Crazed Patients, Psychiatrists Urged to Use Porn Star Names Professionally

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WASHINGTON, DC—Studies indicate that of all medical specialists, psychiatrists are the most likely to be physically harmed by their patients. In response, the American...

Mandatory New Regulations: Staff Must Spy on Paranoid Schizophrenics in ICU

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Taking care of paranoid schizophrenics presents unique challenges for medical personnel and families alike.  This can be especially challenging when they ends up in...

Hypochondriacs Try to Cope with Pandemic: It’s Not Going So Wel

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SICKLERVILLE, NJ—Local hypochondriac, Emma Dyne, is not taking any chances with the coronavirus pandemic. For the last month, the 25-year-old healthy woman has worn...
turkey sandwich haldol diets

New Haldol Creamy Spread Added to Emergency Room Sandwiches

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PROVIDENCE, RI - Health care providers are raving about a new haloperidol-based condiment that can be surreptitiously added to almost any hospital meal tray,...
tatoo

Study Finds Needle Anxiety Worsens with Tattoos

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BALTIMORE, MD - Johns Hopkins researchers published a shocking new study in this month's New England Journal of Medicine showing a correlation between the...