A COVID-19 Miracle: Jesus Turns Water into Hand Sanitizer

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BETHLEHEM - Add another miracle to His already impressive resume: Jesus has offered humanity hope in its fight against COVID-19 by turning water into hand sanitizer. The Son of God could no longer sit idly...

COVID-19: Pretend RNs, MDs Recruited to the Front Line

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NEW YORK, NY - In an effort to bolster our nation's supply of health care workers, young pretend nurses and doctors far and wide have signed up in crayon to help join the front...

NASA: Mars Rover Tests Positive for Coronavirus

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PASADENA, CA - In breaking news to Gomerblog, NASA has announced that Mars rover Curiosity has tested positive for coronavirus. This is a shock to everyone since the World Health Organization had confidently announced...
ventilator

CDC Offers to Make Thousands of Flawed Ventilators

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ATLANTA, GA - To atone for the release of flawed testing kits for the detection of novel coronavirus, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has offered to make tens of thousands of...
davinci robot

COVID-19 Breakthrough: Redeployed Da Vinci Can Swab One Patient Per Day

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BOSTON, MA - In what is already considered the biggest breakthrough against COVID-19 in the United States, surgeons report that Da Vinci robots have been redeployed and will be able to swab up to...

COVID-19: Purell Launches Dozens of Hand-Sanitizing Missiles

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - In an aggressive effort to mitigate the spread of novel coronavirus COVID-19, Purell has launched no fewer than 20 hand sanitizing missiles at regions of the United States most affected by...

COVID-19: Thankful On-Call ID Doc Paged Only 43,589 Times Today

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BOSTON, MA - Despite America coming to a screeching halt at the hands of a pandemic caused by novel coronavirus COVID-19, a very thankful infectious diseases physician/epidemiologist who is on call at Massachusetts Specific...

Intergalactic Health Council Recommends Galaxies Stay at Least 6 Million Light-Years Apart

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THE GALAXY OF ANDROMEDA - The nearby galaxy of Andromeda has been watching with bated breath as novel coronavirus rapidly spreads around planet Earth. No longer feeling safe at a distance of 2.5...

Nation Gives Fauci Permission to Take 15-Minute Power Nap

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UNITED STATES - American citizens have given Dr. Anthony Fauci, the Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, permission to sneak in a 15-minute power nap, believing he has earned it,...

Colossal coronavirus about to devour New York City

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NEW YORK, NY - Currently billions and billions of virus-sized Godzillas are wreaking havoc on New York. The coronavirus is speading like wildfire. Now a large ominous virus has come from the sea to...