CDC: Test Kits Are Low, Critically Ill & Famous People Only
ATLANTA, GA - The CDC released new guidelines today to to help ration COVID-19 testing kits. They now ask to refrain from testing for the novel coronavirus, or COVID-19, unless you are "critically ill...
Easter Bunny Tests Positive for Coronavirus
BUNNY LANE - So much for getting the United States up and running by April 12: our beloved Easter Bunny has contracted coronavirus, Gomerblog is sad to report.
"When there was talk about reopening...
COVID-19: CDC Recommends Not Listening to CDC Recommendations
ATLANTA, GA - After receiving harsh criticism for its recommendation to resort to scarves and bandanas when facemasks are no longer available, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) no longer recommends listening...
Dr. Fauci Implores We All Watch Bob Ross on Infinite Loop Immediately
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Addressing a restless and concerned American public over COVID-19, Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID), recommends we all start watching Bob Ross painting...
Preserve Toilet Paper: CDC Strongly Recommends Against Defecation
ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has updated its COVID-19 guidelines, stating it recommends strongly against defecation, this in an effort to preserve the nation's supply of toilet paper...
COVID-19 Study: Bandanas Superior to N95s, Surgical Masks for PPE
BOSTON, MA - Good news, healthcare workers: A study published in the New England Journal of PPE has found that bandanas are superior to both N95 respirators and surgical masks as personal protective equipment...
Nurses Excited to Make Their Own PPE
A national shortage of personal protective equipment or PPE is forcing nurses to get creative.
"I'm so happy to live in a country where supplies to make my own PPE are readily available!" nurse Shannon...
COVID-19 Update: Palliative Care Makes U.S. DNR
ATLANTA, GA - Accepting that COVID-19 is progressing despite all of our best efforts, Palliative has been consulted and has officially made the United States DNR.
"It is time to focus on making...
FDA Rejects Rapid COVID-19 Test in Favor of Slow-as-Balls One
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has rejected the first rapid COVID-19 test that could produce results with an hour in favor of a slow-as-balls COVID-19 test that might produce results...
COVID-19: Lady Liberty Shelters in Place on Liberty Island
NEW YORK, NY - Heeding the warnings of local public health officials regarding pandemic COVID-19, the Statue of Liberty will shelter in place on Liberty Island for the indefinite future.
"Though anyone is susceptible to...