“Minions” Movie Linked to Rising Rates of Pediatric Hyperkalemia
Emergency departments across the country have been seeing an alarming trend of rising rates of pediatric hyperkalemia since summer of last year. Hyperkalemia, which means increased potassium in the body, can cause serious health...
Groundbreaking Study Finds ‘Apple a Day’ Therapy Prevents 100% of Hospital Readmissions
KANSAS CITY, MO – A group of researchers who set out to find the most effective way to prevent hospital patients from having to come back to see the doctor published their groundbreaking data...
Stephen Hawking Develops VP Shunt Law
UNIVERSITY OF CAMBRIDGE, ENGLAND - Brilliant theoretical physicist and cosmologist Stephen Hawking has stunned the scientific community once again. After years of researching the stars, he recently turned his sights towards the mysteries of...
Toxicologist Bell Biv DeVoe Confirms: ‘That Girl is Poison’
BOSTON, MA - After "sensing something strange in my mind" for a few days now, Boston emergency physician and toxiciologist Dr. Bell Biv DeVoe has officially confirmed with Gomerblog that the "situation is serious" and...
Thor Spotted Crushing Reflexes with Mighty Hammer
ASGARD – According to witnesses, Thor, Norse God of Thunder, was recently spotted at a local hospital crushing patellar tendons with his mighty new reflex hammer. Wielding a black, triangular rubber mallet sitting atop...
Study: Heimlich Maneuver Not Effective on Choking Athletes
AUGUSTA, GA - On the heels of Jordan Spieth's epic collapse during the final round of the Masters in April, a study published in JAMA has found that the Heimlich maneuver is completely ineffective in...
News in Brief: Life Expectancy for Douchebags Climbing Thanks to E-cigarettes
ATLANTA, GA - Although they are a relatively new phenomenon, electronic cigarettes are a slightly healthier alternative to traditional combustible and inhaled tobacco products. Particularly eye-opening is a new study from the American Cancer...
Da Vinci & Rosie from The Jetsons are Dating!!
ORBIT CITY - In exciting news from Orbit Medical Center (OMC), the Jetsons' household robot, Rosie the Maid, was seen spotted with her new beau, Da Vinci the Surgical Robot. The couple state that...
General Medicine Floor Smells a Little Less like Death Today
TUCSON, AZ - Employees of the general medicine floor at St. Elizabeth’s Hospital arrived to work on Monday morning to a unit that smelled a little less like death than usual. “What a pleasant...
Med Student Knows Krebs Cycle, Whoop-De-Doo
LAS VEGAS, NV - Not that Gomerblog or anyone else gives a sh*t, but second-year University of Nevada Las Vegas (UNLV) medical student Karen Weaselsnout-Jones apparently knows the Krebs cycle inside and out. Yeah....
