Tuesday, July 7, 2020

Surgery

Brie Hammersley complete blood loss

Women to be recruited into ortho with promise of no line for bathroom

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The American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons has begun a new campaign to entice women to enter a career in orthopaedic surgery. Dr. David Bonaparte, diversity coordinator for the AAOS, believes the new campaign will...

Virginia Designates Bovie Electrocautery as an Assault Scalpel, Subsequently Bans it

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Richmond, VA – In the brief time since the calendar turned to 2020, the Virginia House and Senate have passed several bills aimed at limiting gun ownership in the state.  
orthopedic surgeon orthopedics orthopaedics

Breaking the ORIF Mold: Orthopedists Repurpose Invisalign for Fixations

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BREAKING: Clearview, Tennessee. After seeing the widespread success of Invisalign braces for orthodontists and their patients, orthopedic surgeons have joined the party. Clearview Hospital is paving the way as the first to provide Orthopedic...

Black Cloud Begs On-Call Meteorologist for Help

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NEW HAVEN, CT - Finding herself underdressed & underprepared for this torrential downpour of admissions and cross-cover calls, third-year medicine resident and self-diagnosed black cloud Nirali Patel is now begging the on-call...
standardized patient

Breaking: Standardized Patient Leaves AMA

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TALLAHASSEE, FL - Standardized patient Lily Huron has left against medical advice (AMA) once she game to grips that none of these medical students would cave in and give her IV Dilaudid,...
perverted urologist

Perverted Urologist Keeps Looking at Patients’ Genitals

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BOSTON, MA - Now this is just sickening: Gomerblog has received multiple reports that Dr. Mason Cho, a urologist at Massachusetts Specific Hospital (MSH), keeps looking at his patients' genitals, both men...
INR 0 ENT

ENT Changes Focus to Elbows, Nipples & Testicles

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ALEXANDRIA, VA - Saying 2020 is finally going to be the year where they really change things up, the nation's ENTs will be fully abandoning their traditional territories of expertise and instead...
aorta

Skilled Phlebotomist Draws Blood from Aorta

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NASHVILLE, TN - Warned ahead of time that the patient was a notoriously difficult stick, madly-skilled phlebotomist Mattie Stevenson pulled off a neat little trick and successfully drew blood from the patient's...

Tom Brady Suffers Congestive Arm Failure

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Foxborough, MA - In a shocking development that could spell the end of his storied football career, Tom Brady developed acute congestive arm failure (CAF) in the first quarter of the New...

That’s So Mean: Hospital Kitchen Sends NPO Patients Empty Tray

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North Portland, Oregon—The defiance of an NPO order, whether intentional or accidental, may have profound consequences, including worsening of symptoms and delay of surgical procedures. In many of theses cases, the patients simply had...
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