Friday, August 7, 2020

Surgery

gauze

Mildly Annoyed Surgeon Throws 4×4 Gauze Across Operating Room

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KEOKUK, IA – According to reports from Mercy Hospital, local general surgeon Greg McKelvey became so mildly frustrated by the OR staff, that he threw a single 4 x 4-inch piece of gauze across the operating...
phone

Health Care Providers Hail the Launch of the New “Patient Complaint Line”

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Following in the pattern of patient satisfaction scores, Dreamland General Hospital has initiated a new "Patient Complaint Line."  When a patient has acted in a manner that providers feel is inappropriate, providers, nurses, techs...

Ugly Med Student Trying to Match into Plastic Surgery Not Expected To Do Well

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SEATTLE, WA - Three months ago, fourth year medical student Trevor Barlock took a deep breath and submitted his applications to integrated plastic surgery programs around the country. Barlock recalls the feeling. “It was a...

Trojan Develops New Magnum Size Foley Catheters; ‘It’s About Time,’ Say 100% of Surveyed...

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HOUSTON, TX - America’s number one trusted brand for contraception made a bold leap into the medical field today with the launch of Foley Magnum for men.  As most people know, the Magnum style...

Study Shows More Studies Would Be Needed to Study Future Results

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BETHESDA, MD – A recent article published in the New England Journal of Medicine discovered that more studies would be needed to study future results.  "This is truly remarkable," said medical expert Dr. Tom Hutch....
hypothalamus

Unable to Fix Office Thermostat, Neurosurgeon Removes Own Hypothalamus

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Talk to any health care professional and they'll tell you that self-treatment is not the best idea. However, for one D.C.-area neurosurgeon, he was convinced that self-treatment was...

Texting While Operating Now Illegal in 5 states

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SACRAMENTO, CA – On Monday California became the 5th state to ban texting while operating.  This new legislation came after Dr. Kenneth Fellet texted his friends, who were partying in Mexico without him, and...
graham crackers 1981 Nabisco vintage

Hangry Intern Opens Up Vintage Packet of Graham Crackers from 1981

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Figuring that there was no better time to celebrate than during this particular overnight call, University of California, San Francisco (UCSF) surgical intern Jose Rioja has decided to open up a...
chemist

Brilliant Chemist Gives up Dream of Curing Cancer, Focuses Efforts on Inducing 3 ½...

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CAMBRIDGE, MA - Citing practical reasons, 41-year-old renowned chemist and laboratory researcher Charles Kenzington, Ph.D. has formally ended his three-decade quest to discover a compound to destroy all malignant cells. The decorated scientist instead plans...
angry man

Confrontation Visual Fields Ends in Triple Homicide

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CHICAGO, IL – Tragedy struck a quiet neighborhood eye clinic last week after what began as a routine visual field confrontation ended in a triple homicide.  Police responded to a distress call Friday afternoon from...
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