Alarming Study Finds Malignant Brain Cancers Appear on Side of Cell Phone Use
BOSTON, MA - A new multi-center randomized study to be published next week in Medicine found that a whopping 52.4% (+/- 3.67% with p-value 0.02) of brain cancers are...
Santa Gives Good Ortho Intern 1000 Feet of PVC Piping for Christmas
PHILADELPHIA, PA - Boy, do we have a true feel-good story for you this Christmas. Orthopedic intern, Bryce Bonebreaker, learned he did in fact...
Orthopaedic Surgeon Spends Hours Wandering ICU Bathroom Looking for Pulmonary Toilet
NEW YORK, NY - When COVID-19 cases in Manhattan started ramping up, local orthopaedic surgeon Brock Hammersley knew he wanted to help however he...
Ortho Throws Vanc at Infected Total Knee, Misses and Breaks Window
YUCAIPA, CA - The Inland Empire of California has long been known as the Wild West of Medicine where board certified surgeons are as...
Ophthalmologists Found to be “Physically Weakest” of All Specialists
New research has shed light on which group of physicians are the most physically frail and feeble. Emerging data shows that the top spot...
Surgeon Performs Appendectomy, Still Trying to Convince OR Staff That It Was Infected
KNOXVILLE, TN – General surgeon Dr. Hendrick Knightsville is being credited with quite an acting performance in operating room 7. Dr. Knightsville took a...
Nation’s Arteries Brace for Impact of Chipotle’s New Queso
SACRAMENTO, CA – Speaking at a press conference last Saturday, a local left renal artery expressed “grave concern” amongst itself and the billions of...
U.S. Women’s Relay Team Elects to Use Femur, Not Baton for Handoffs
RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL - For this week's upcoming track and field event, the USA Track & Field Women's 4x100m Team has announced that it has...
Breaking: Nurse Initiates Lesser-Known Chloride Repletion Protocol
NEW ORLEANS, LA - Nurse Jess Casamento of Ochsner Medical Center is one of the best when it comes to repleting electrolytes: potassium, magnesium, even...
Pokémon Go Update: Local Man Walks Into an OR to Catch Rare Pokémon: Abra
CHARLOTTE, NC - Local man, Danny Nguyen, wandered into St. Elizabeth Hospital's operating room chasing down a rare Pokémon: Abra. "I had no idea...