Breaking: 400-lb. Patient Not Actually Big-Boned
AUBURN, AL – Albert “Big Al” McGriddle has been told all his life by his Mama that he wasn’t fat, he was just “big...
Patient Can’t Wait to Yank Out Foley, Cause Bloodbath
ATLANTA, GA - In exciting news today, patient Arnold Starks has announced that later today he will yank out his Foley with "full force...
Short on Wound VACs, Surgeon Slaps On Hoover
LOS ANGELES, CA - Nearing completion of the debridement of an infected wound but learning that the hospital was short on wound VACs, University...
Op Note Just a Link to YouTube Video
In what is being dubbed an inevitable merger of modern-day technology with modern-day lethargy, surgical innovator Dr. Theo Knapp’s operative dictation for yesterday’s cholecystectomy...
Orthopod Places Intramedullary Nail Into Medulla Oblongata
ANN ARBOR, MI - Expanding the possibilities of what can be done in the subspecialty of orthopedic surgery, orthopod Brock Hammersley has placed an...
Hospital Bans Seeing-Eye Dog from OR, ADA Suit Follows
FORT WAYNE, IL - Memorial Hospital has barred Dr. Alan Peterson from bringing his seeing-eye dog, Karmen, into the operating room (OR) where he has...
Physicians Hold Drexit Vote, Doctors Exit Medicine
KANSAS CITY, KS - A large, synchronous exhale was heard this morning as the results of Drexit, or Doctors Exiting Medicine, came in. Millions of...
NIH Close to Uncovering Elusive Fifth Abdominal Quadrant
BETHESDA, MD - Sensing a breakthrough is imminent, scientists at the National Institutes of Health (NIH) have publicly announced they are indeed very close...
Avascular Necrosis Renamed to Slow Chronic Unfixable Bone Atrophy (SCUBA) to Stop Unnecessary STAT...
BONE ISLAND, FL - A condition long known by a scary-sounding name has been renamed at the American Society for Surgeons of the Hand...
Doctor Introduces New ‘Rate My Patient’ App
Tired of mediocre Yelp reviews by non-compliant patients, Dr. Thomson created “Rate my Patient”, an app designed for physicians that gives them a little...