Lazy Eye Not Even Trying to See
TALLAHASSEE, FL – In an embarrassing show of pure slothfulness, the right eye of 28-year-old Christopher Chang has become so lazy that it won’t...
Bovie Electrocautery Receives FDA Approval for Cutting Red Tape
SILVER SPRING, MD - In an unprecedented move by the Food & Drug Administration (FDA), Bovie electrocautery has been approved for both incisional and excisional...
Neurosurgery Resident Doesn’t Recognize Own Child at Thanksgiving Dinner
NASHVILLE, TN - Although aware how busy he is, the family of second-year neurosurgery resident Dr. Michael Duke planned a dinner to celebrate Thanksgiving...
Pioneering Bionics Company Gains FDA Approval for Robotic Penis
E-Rextion Bionix has proudly announced that its breakthrough HeteroErectus Cyberpenis enhancement prosthesis will soon be available to patients in the U.S. market who so...
Anesthesiologists Compare Arm Tans While Surgeon Repairs Penetrating Aortic Injury
ATLANTA, GA – As local trauma surgeon Dr. Andre Mackersie desperately tried to gain control of a massively exsanguinating abdominal aortic gunshot wound, the...
Health System Approves New Priority Level for Radiology Exams: ‘Insanity Stat’
BOSTON, MA - New England-based hospital system GinormaHealth announced Tuesday that effective August 1st a new priority system would be in effect for all...
Breaking: Medical Student Faints on Rounds, No One Cares
NEW ORLEANS, LA - During vascular surgery rounds this morning, a medical student fainted in a patient’s room, and no one cared.
“On the vascular...
Hospital Merges with Fast Food, Tobacco Companies to ‘Stay Competitive’
CHICAGO, IL - As you pass by the ER entrance at Cook County Hospital, the unmistakable aroma of grease, processed burgers, and cigarette smoke...
Area Doctor Now Apologizes Before Every Consult
MARKERSBURG, TN - Dr. Lois Siento thinks she has the key to improving relationships between primary teams and consultants.
"It's simple," she explains. "We give...
Virginia Designates Bovie Electrocautery as an Assault Scalpel, Subsequently Bans it
Richmond, VA – In the brief time since the calendar turned to 2020, the Virginia House and Senate have passed several bills aimed at limiting...