Thursday, June 24, 2021

Surgery

BREAKING: Ortho Intern is First Hospital Employee to Actually Enjoy Joint Commission Visit

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PHILADELPHIA, PA - Hospital administrators are up in arms due to Joint Commission complaints that ortho intern, Seth Sholderson, is impeding the Commission’s ability to complete a comprehensive hospital review. One administrator commented, “Usually we...
divine intervention NPO after midnight miracle insurance authorization

God Denies Involvement in Cancer Treatment and Recovery

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HOPE VALLEY, CA -Twenty months after being diagnosed with lung cancer, 67-year-old Denise Dewberry has been declared cancer-free by her doctors.  She claims her cure to be the work of God. God says otherwise. In a...
acgme

Anesthesiologist Swallows Pride, Develops Small Bowel Obstruction

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TUCSON, AZ – According to local witnesses, Mercy Hospital anesthesiologist Henry Stutzman developed a complete small bowel obstruction hours after swallowing his pride in operating room 7.  The incident began when the orthopedic surgeon on...
ophthalmology

Ophthalmologists Report Hindsight More Like 20/80

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Top ophthalmologists announced this week that hindsight, long thought to be 20/20, is actually much closer to 20/80.  “This is a surprise to all of us,” announced David Parke, President...

Local Medical Student Struggles to Explain His Eagerness to Place Foley Catheter on Male...

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ANN ARBOR, MI - Local medical student Dan S. started his first rotation today in Surgery.  “I woke up at 2:45 am arrived at the hospital about 3:10 am and I was able to...
hats

How Many Different Hats Can a Medical Provider Wear?

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It's not uncommon in modern medicine for any given health care provider, whether it's a nurse, PA, or doctor, to have multiple roles or wear multiple hats: a clinical hat, an administrative hat, etc....
thanksgiving dinner

Neurosurgery Resident Doesn’t Recognize Own Child at Thanksgiving Dinner

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NASHVILLE, TN - Although aware how busy he is, the family of second-year neurosurgery resident Dr. Michael Duke planned a dinner to celebrate Thanksgiving Day.  His wife, Laurie, knew he was not on call...

Physicians Hold Drexit Vote, Doctors Exit Medicine

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KANSAS CITY, KS - A large, synchronous exhale was heard this morning as the results of Drexit, or Doctors Exiting Medicine, came in.  Millions of doctors around the country voted to leave medicine this Saturday....
Blood gravy content concentration level

CDC Issues Blood Gravy Content Chart for Thanksgiving

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ATLANTA, GA - Ahead of Thanksgiving, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has issued a new blood gravy content (BCG) chart, reminding family and other loved ones that "friends don't let friends drive...

Daredevil Patient on Bed Jumps Through Ring of Fire

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LAS VEGAS, NV - Patient Brian McDowell put on a show for the ages, as he became the first patient on a hospital bed to successfully leap through a ring of fire unscathed.  Performed during...