Dermabond Repackages for a Sexier Product
Dermabond, a skin glue widely used for surgical skin closure, has had a recent falloff in use as hospitals push cost-conscious practices. In response,...
Medical Subspecialties as Star Wars Characters
The release of Rogue One: A Star Wars Story is upon us. Before we re-watch Episodes I through VII in our respective break and...
General Medicine Floor Smells a Little Less like Death Today
TUCSON, AZ - Employees of the general medicine floor at St. Elizabeth’s Hospital arrived to work on Monday morning to a unit that smelled...
Vascular Converts Infected BKA Into Above-the-Nipples Amputation
PORTLAND, OR - As a means of source control for a patient in severe sepsis, a Portland-based vascular surgeon has played it safe by...
‘I Don’t Need Reading Glasses’ Says Patient Holding Everything at Arm’s Length
KNOXVILLE, TN – Holding a magazine as far as his arm will allow, local man Harold Chou confidently announced at a local eye clinic...
Clinic Handing Out Free Organ Samples
OXFORD, MS - Remember the good old days when you could get free drug samples from your doctor? Well, clinicians at Mississippi Health do. ...
Breaking: Man of Steel Has Subclavian Steal Syndrome
METROPOLIS, US – Superman is back in the hospital at Metropolis Medical Center (MMC). This time he presents with syncope and poor circulation in...
AMiON Scheduler To Be Replaced With A Simplified Text Saying ‘Yes’
NEWTON, MA - In a move aimed at reducing operative costs, Spiral software's administrative staff issued a statement according to which AMiON popular scheduler is...
Winnie Can’t Pooh, Needs Surgical Intervention
SUSSEX, ENGLAND - In breaking news, Winnie the Pooh can't pooh and is in fact obstructed, necessitating surgical intervention. "Oh, D-D-Dear!" cried Piglet. "I...
‘Toodles’ Purchased from Disney by Medtronic, OR Complications Hit All-Time Low
ORLANDO, CA - Medical device giant Medtronic pulled off a risky, but fatefully brilliant move recently. For $1.2 billion dollars, the company purchased the...