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surgeon haloEGAN, ND – A poll of practicing surgeons at the recent Society of Magnificent Surgeons meeting revealed that 92% of those polled were secretly jealous of their trainees’ 80-hour work week requirement.

“For Pete’s sake,” gasped Charles Henry Pennybottom, III, MD, laparoscopist.  “They clock out at 8 in the morning in the middle of a crappy 14-hour case, while no one cares about my narcolepsy and Xanax withdrawal.  Then I have to go and finish a clinic full of people angry about me being late!”

This was despite the fact that 85% felt that the 80-hour work week sent the wrong message to trainees.  Dr. Garrison Greeley, a trauma surgeon, said, “Surgery training used to be about satisfying the whims of sadistic, manipulative psychopaths.  After all, the American surgical residency training was founded by a secretly cross-dressing cocaine addict who would cut interns hands if they weren’t retracting just so.  Now it’s all, ‘Let’s go home and do a Yoga video then read about the pancreas.’  Sheesh.”

The poll had 110% participation among meeting attendees and featured a door prize of an iPad Mini.  Disagreeing with the majority, Jackson E. Bradshaw, DO, commented, “I stopped being jealous when I ditched my practice and became an operating roomist.  Being an OR-ist rocks: I take three 8-hour shifts a week and this gives me all the time to make sweet love to my beautiful second wife.”

Eunice Lee, MD, a colorectal surgeon, who won the iPad Mini commented, “You would think the SMS would have the class to at least offer the 64 GB 4G version.  This one is only good for giving to my illegal nanny.”

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