All that “digestion and absorption is so overrated”

Weight loss surgery has gained popularity, although success rates are no where near 100%. Patients have been asking for more effective types of weight loss surgeries, especially once’s that eliminate the need for exercise.

Well patients must look no further! One surgeon in Mississippi, Dr. Chunkenfixer was tired of having his weight loss patients regain a portion of their weight so he developed a cutting edge procedure to combat this.

This innovative and radical surgery involves removing the entire enteric system except for the esophagus and the rectum. The distal esophageal sphincter is then anastomosed to the internal anal sphincter providing a continuous path for food in, food out.

This amazing procedure bypasses all that annoying digestion and absorption. It provides patient with a way to truly eat and still loose weight, without even having to get up off the couch.

There have been only a few minor problems with the procedure so far, but doctors are sure these bugs can be worked out. These complications include but are not limited to, total nutritional collapse, dehydration and shock leading to total vascular collapse and death within a few short days. Also, patients report the inability to stand up straight due to esophageal anal tension. Unfortunately, those who stand up straight after this surgery will have their anastomosis snap apart.

On the bright side, colonoscopies will be super easy and can be performed with an oral or a caudal approach.