Third-grade teacher Mr. Granger’s class has had a ball during their annual career day, where students invite a grown-up to come talk about their job. Scientists, firefighters, and chefs, oh my! But someone probably should have asked Kelly Chang about their mother’s specialty before inviting them to the most recent career day…
It started out innocently enough.
“Kelly’s mom is here, and guess what, she’s a doctor!” Mr. Granger raved breathlessly. “Please everyone, give a big hand to Dr. Chang!”
“You know what they say about big hands right?” Dr. Chang chuckled over a sea of uncomprehending faces, save Mr. Granger’s shocked face. “Anyone? Well ah…tough crowd! That one usually gets a few laughs.”
“I’m sorry,” murmured Mr. Granger. “What kind of physician did you say you were?”
“I’m a urologist!” Dr. Chang replied brightly over Mr. Granger’s shuddering gasp. “Surgeon of the urinary tract and the male reproductive system! Now to be honest, I’ve never really done this before, but I hear you kiddos like props.”
She rummaged around her briefcase and unearthed a grapefruit-sized model of a testicle. The children ooh’ed and ahh’ed.
“This is a testicle. Can you say TES – TI – CLE? Amazing! Now the cover for the testicle is a really big word. Tunica albuginea. Tunica albuginea. What a mouthful right?”
Mr. Granger, whose mouth now resembled a prune, finally chimed in, “Um, Dr. Chang, we so appreciate you taking time out of your busy job, but are you sure this is appropriate for children?”
Dr. Chang, who had been demonstrating on her model how to palpate the epididymis, swung around and hissed, “Are you telling me you don’t care for testicular health?”
Mr. Granger blanched and stammered, “N-n-no, it’s just that –“
“Just what?” demanded Dr. Chang, advancing threateningly with the testicle. “That it’s gross? That it’s disgusting? I thought you were supposed to be a model for these children.”
Mr. Granger gulped, sighed, and was seen slumped in a chair for the rest of the session, sipping from a bottle of wine stashed in his desk. At the end, Dr. Chang barked, “And why don’t we perform a scrotal biopsy for suspected testicular malignancy?”
“To avoid seeding the biopsy tract!” replied a squeaky chorus.
“Very good, very good! Even better than some of my residents, I dare say.”