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ATLANTA, GA – In a move that is sure to spark controversy and protest, the CDC released Proposition 23.4 yesterday which grants state governments the right to quarantine unvaccinated families.  According to the proposal, state governments will “have the right to erect closed communities” in order to isolate unvaccinated families from the public.

CDC headquaters“We’re losing the battle on convincing people to get vaccines through science and facts.  The next best approach is to quarantine disease vectors,” said CDC spokesman Dr. Tina Krysinski.  “In this case the vectors are unvaccinated humans.”

The quarantine will only be enacted for people and families who have not been vaccinated due to bogus philosophical or religious reasons, as to not punish individuals who have true allergies or medical reasons not to receive vaccines. “Toxins,” autism, “I don’t want to,” and celebrity posts will not be legitimate reasons accepted by state governments.

The plan calls for building enclosed communities with walls around living spaces with a one-mile safety buffer around the community.  Each community will have their own water supply and gluten-free food sources to ensure maximal containment.

“Proposition 23.4 addresses two immense problems,” said Krysinski.  “First, it will protect those humans who cannot get vaccines either due to a young age, immunodeficiency, or other real contraindication to vaccines.  Secondly, it will protect the innocent children of parents who chose not to vaccinate from acquiring disease since they will be in a closed environment.  Those poor kids… they have to deal with their crazy parents.  They don’t even stand a chance at being normal themselves in the future.”

“Proposition 23.4 could be the second greatest advance in medicine, behind vaccinations,” said Krysinski.  “This might be our last fighting chance to contain measles, pertussis, meningitis and a whole host of other diseases.”

Anti-vaxxers can either chose to get vaccinated or move themselves and families to the quarantined areas.  According to pediatrician, Dr. Steven Willis, anti-vaxxers are best treated like toddlers.

“I have found that patients that are against vaccines are more manageable when presented with a choice,” said Willis.  “Just like toddlers, just offer them a choice and they will be more likely to take one instead of throwing a tantrum.  Don’t ask them if they want to be vaccinated, but rather just say, ‘Mr. Johnny, vaccine or quarantine, you pick.'”

With the recent measles outbreak, Texas and California are already pushing the proposal through state legislation and hope to have enough signatures by the start of next school year.  Huge land areas in the Angeles National Park are future spots for the hundreds of celebrities in L.A. who will need to be quarantined.

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  • Mixed Chick

    Whoa dumbass. That is about nasal spray flu vaccine– you are generalizing from that to “all vaccines don’t work?” That is not what the CDC said about the nasal spray vaccine.
    This isn’t satire any more. You all really do need to be quarantined. !!!

  • Hardwyre

    Well, thanks to anti-vaxers in the middle east, Polio is making headway. I wonder if Jenny McCarthy will have anything to say when Polio starts popping up in anti-vax communities.

  • notation

    Hey, stupid! Have you figured out what “satire” is yet?

  • notation

    “are obviously your to much to lose the vaccine truth be known, sources.”

    Ahahahahahaha. Priceless.

    Are you drunk again, Bubbles?

  • notation

    The CDC’s left nut is more credible than you are, even on one of your “good” days, dumbfuck.

  • notation

    Bite me, moron.

  • Lowell Hubbs

    Where are and what are YOUR sources? The CDC says, the WHO, says? All of the complete misinformation you have been fed, are obviously your to much to lose the vaccine truth be known, sources.

  • Lowell Hubbs

    And I see you have not backed a single claim that you have made! What is your evidence; “the CDC says”?

  • SeanP

    Umm no, the cases brought before the US vaccine court are free to view. The CDC also sponsors a self-reporting database where doctors can report side effects of vaccinations. You can tell the CDC doesn’t want to have to do this as the formatting of the spreadsheet is horrible. This tells me the results are real.

  • SeanP

    So then the uneducated African resorts to violence as a first resort upon hearing something they disagree with. Wow, enjoying your first world opinions aren’t you? I would cite facts and figures about the safety of vaccinations, the case for the common goo, etc… But I will leave you with this. You know how child molesters have a national database where you can look up their location? Well, I have been writing to my Senator promoting the same thing for anti-vaxxers. These people are even more dangerous for children than the molesters, yet they can walk free.

  • notation

    Oh, poor Lowly. So you don’t have any evidence that is actually valid. Thanks again for playing. You still haven’t looked up the word “pitfall”? How hard is that? This has nothing to do with spelling, you dummy.

    “Forced silence of the vaccine truth”? What “truth”? You haven’t posted anything that is true. Vaccines don’t compromise the immune system; they don’t spread disease. And if only someone COULD force you to shut up—what a lovely thought. Except it’s better for everyone to see the abject stupidity of your posts. You do more to convince sane people to vaccinate than I ever could.

    I love watching you kooks fall all over yourselves. You look so stupid.

  • Lowell Hubbs

    I see, you want this to be a spelling bee, with forced silence of the vaccine truth. If you can not debate the matter away, you will attempt to harass the matter away and promote more false discreditation. I see, and what else is new on the vaccine shill fronts?

  • notation

    My word. You are the poster child for that famous quote: “It is better to keep silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.”

    When someone says that you are misusing a word, Lowest, you should look up the word. What a moron.

  • notation

    You dumbazz, baboons aren’t humans and just because a particular vaccine doesn’t prevent 100% of an illness doesn’t mean that “it spreads disease.” How stupid are you?

    Your first idiotic bleat from ‘align life” is simply dreck, like everything else you post—vaccines do not and never have compromised the immune system. They don’t “weaken” it.

    And I won’t even read the Liberty Boob-fest because it’s nothing but a rag.

    Either cite a study, or remain the target to much-deserved scorn and ridicule, you fvckwit.

  • davefromcamp
    davefromcamp

    Yes they require them, but you can get out it if you try hard enough. A response on a satire blog was not intended to list every minor exception to the general rule. Way to troll. You have obviously done ZERO research if you are using pseudo-science and unproven-paranoia to back your antivaxination claims. It is a complete lie that vaccines are harmful, you are more likely to die or get injured driving to the doctor than the vaccine itself.

  • SunshineLotus

    No, states SAY that they are required, however 100% of states offer medical exemption, 48 states offer religious exemption and 19 states offer philosophical exemption. Do your research. http://www.nvic.org/Vaccine-Laws/state-vaccine-requirements.aspx

  • davefromcamp
    davefromcamp

    What? Most states require them

  • Lowell Hubbs

    More crazed and selective ignorance, Discus stalking Boris? The only mentally defective pitfall, is in your own mindless camp.

  • notation

    Apparently, you are, since you can’t back up a single claim you’ve made with anything but spittle on your chin.

  • 7_Bullets

    And you are dumb enough to keep responding, now who’s the moron. LOL.

  • notation

    Truth certainly doesn’t come from any sources you’re using, ya goober.

  • notation

    Go to Africa? What, and see the children who are dying of measles because they aren’t vaccinated? You moron, you’re so dumb you can’t even figure out how to post a comment without it getting flagged.

  • notation

    Bullshit. You never made it past high school, did you? It shows.

  • 7_Bullets

    The education is koolaid.

  • notation

    That’s “enough” for you? Vaccines don’t “make you sick as hell,” you simpleton.

    As for modern medicine, you nincompoop, we now have the longest life expectancy of any generation in history. Are you really so stupid that you don’t realize it’s because of vaccines and modern medicine that people live as long as they do?

    You are dumb as a bag of hair. There’s no Koolaid on my part. Just education.

  • 7_Bullets

    I understand that they can make you sick as hell, and that’s enough for me. If modern medicine was worth squat, hospitals would be shutting down, not expanding. Enjoy the Koolaid

  • notation

    My word, but you’re stupid.

  • notation

    Just because the facts are over your head doesn’t make them any less accurate. You don’t understand how vaccines work. That’s your problem, not mine. Get an education and stop being an ignoramus.

  • 7_Bullets

    Good talking points…NOT.

  • notation

    “They” DO answer it: herd immunity is real. The more people who do vaccinate the better protected you are. There are people who, despite being vaccinated, can still contract a disease. That’s never been in dispute. No vaccine protects 100 % of the people 100% of the time. However, when the great majority ARE protected, it is less likely that those for whom the vaccine was not as effective will come into contact with someone who’s infected.

    Duh.

  • notation

    I see you have failed to get an education. Sad. The best prevention for ignorance like yours is to take an actual science class.

    Too bad you couldn’t manage to do that.

    Your idiocy is incredible.

  • Jack_Knife

    What good is getting vaccinated if it doesn’t protect you from those who chose not to? This is the question they cannot or will not answer. I guess truth doesn’t come from authority like we were led to believe.

  • Boris Ogon

    This is obviously a fake article.

    Gee, Lodwill, did you figure that out all by your lonesome, or did somebody have to tell you what “medical satire,” which is in the page title, actually means?

    Vaccines are the toxic and contaminated injected baptism into the big pharma cult and world of for profit pharmaceuticals. They control all information.

    Thank G-d Lodwill Sudds has somehow pierced the veil. And revealed it in a comment on a month-old satire piece.

    The chemical and biological sorcery of their workings being both a blessing at times, and yet the bigger picture has become a stagnant curse. The end result has become pitfall of untold needless harm done, physical misery, and death.

    “Sorcery”? Well, I suppose it’s right decent of you to reveal the level of ideation that your “thousands of hours” of “research” have yielded. BTW, you don’t seem to know what “pitfall” means. HTH. HAND.

  • Lowell Hubbs

    This is obviously a fake article.

    Vaccines are the toxic and contaminated injected baptism into the big pharma cult and world of for profit pharmaceuticals. They control all information. All vaccine failures are hidden and with all history of their efforts altered and fabricated in their favor. The blessed and falsely authoritative priests the CDC and FDA hold dominion over the subjects and lives of those unwittingly seeing no better options. They are dependent on them and their falsely believed so greatly educated masses. The chemical and biological sorcery of their workings being both a blessing at times, and yet the bigger picture has become a stagnant curse. The end result has become pitfall of untold needless harm done, physical misery, and death.

  • Sandra Ebsen

    Why don’t they just put mercury in baby formula. Or accidentally put cancer cells in it. That would serve their purpose. Wouldn’t the pharmacutical companies just see those profits rolling in. I

    f this were passed, because we all know that money is all that matters and they do not give a damn about any ones health ps (GMO’s) for example.

  • Dee Latta

    Great! Now who will they blame when they quarantine all the unvaccinated & these diseases are STILL spreading?

    At the moment, it’s just satire, but IF it were true, the only purpose it will serve is to PROVE that in general vaccines don’t work.

    Yeah, how about that shedding thing??

    Gonna’ be REAL interesting to see what happens with this, IF it happens. Smh!

    Here’s the CDC’s link about vaccine shedding for those who are unaware of what it is & how it works.

    http://www.cdc.gov/flu/about/qa/nasalspray.htm#postpartum

  • SunshineLotus

    You obviously have done zero research of you think vaccines are required for school, because that’s a complete lie.

  • notation

    Wow. You really are a goober. This is the disclaimer for Gomernews, bozo:
    …is strickly a satirical and fake news blog site. All articles are fake and not intended to diagnosis medical conditions or to give medical advice. Please see a real medical website or your doctor for diagnosis and any medical advice. Please don’t take medical advice from any website.

  • Toomuch Corruption

    Hahahahahahah!!! Typical corrupt propagandist Nazi American Industry.
    Yeah the gods of corruption. If you dont believe their corrupt science and think for yourself we must quarantine you to keep you away from the brainwashed society that belives in our scientific BS!!!
    Yeah that will be the day.
    Thats when a revolution will happen!!!

  • gomerblog
    gomerblog

    Thats good news. Not implying all homeschooling is vaccine free but if you want to be vaccine free, you must home school. In all seriousness, Home schooling is great.

  • Moe Moe

    hahaha…but I will tell you, as a homeschool mom, we do vaccinate and we know plenty of other homeschool families that do too.

  • Mark Casper

    This is your government in action. Why not just shoot them?

  • Patti Pitman-Fisher

    ‘Bout time!

  • Harold Arthur Fowler

    Di tungguin dari tadi,, akhirnya Gomerblog update status juga,

  • Sheri Ricord

    lol

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