EXAM ROOM 4, UROLOGY CLINIC – Hello, sir.  You seem a little bit nervous.  Well, there’s no need for that, I can assure you.  After medical school I spent the better part of a decade to become a specialist in this particular area.  You’ve come to the right place.  I can help.  Just sit back, relax, and let me have at your Johnson.

urology awkard
Relax… just let me have at your Johnson

Look, I understand you might be a little uncomfortable with this situation.  It’s awkward to be with a stranger who is about to know literally everything there is to know about your wang.  It must seem odd to you that I’m an expert on something as specific as tallywhackers.  Or maybe you’re having trouble coming to terms with fact that I spend my time fiddling with other men’s giggle berries.  But that’s what I do, sir.  All day long.  This is my actual job.

I can, and will, be all over your junk.

Call your weewee whatever you want.  No term of affection will sway me from the task at hand.  In just a moment, I will be mere inches away from your entire situation.  I’ll be attentively peering at your ding-dong, no matter how misshapen, discolored, scabby, or malodorous it happens to be.  Is it known as Mr. Happy, perhaps?  Ankle Spanker? Rosebud, even?  No matter.  I’ve heard them all.  And this bright fluorescent lighting is going to fully illuminate Mr. Tinky so I can see him in all his glorious detail.

That is what I am paid for.  Don’t be shy, sir.  Let the pink tiger out of his cage.  I am a renowned, professional pecker checker.

Never fear.  I will not be taken aback by the sight of an extremely tiny wiener.  I will not blink when faced with even the most gigantic of schlongs.  If you consistently pee at right angles, I will not be shocked.  Should you be missing one or even both family jewels, I will diligently palpate your empty coin purse.  There is nothing I…

What’s that?  You’re here because of a kidney tumor?  Oh, well, I take those out too.  Ahem… This is awkward.  Why don’t you, um go ahead… Gulp, and pull up your pants.