SAN JOSE, CA – In what appears to be a medical first, surgeons at Methodist Northwest Hospital have found that using voice-activated operating room tables instead of anesthesiologists or CRNAs is working remarkably well.
“It’s fantastic,” said orthopaedic surgeon Dr. Michael Wheely. “I don’t have to get anesthesia’s attention anymore! I just say ‘table up’ or ‘rotate towards me’ and the table responds in the CORRECT direction. It’s like magic!”
Hospital administrator Dr. C. Jonathan Egging confirmed his surgeons are generally very positive about the new tables. “Most of our surgeons were understandably skeptical at first,” said Dr. Egging, “but after they saw that even the orthopods could do it, they all jumped on board. By eliminating anesthesiologists altogether, we estimate net savings of $25 million the first year alone!”
Dr. Carol Phelps, a general surgeon agrees. “Door-to-cut times have improved dramatically now that we aren’t being slowed down by anesthesia. We just consult medicine to intubate and turn on the propofol dispensing machine and we’re off and running! A PACU nurse is dedicated to a ‘wake up room’ and extubates patients when ready.”
Somewhat surprising, the hospital’s anesthesiologists and CRNAs aren’t terribly concerned. “We now have more time than ever to work on what really matters: arm tans, making drape forts, and Sudoku.”
Megan Neighbors HaHaHaHa
Who says Americans cant do satire?
This is wrong on so many levels lol
Arm tans and sudoku. Love it! :D
replaces them with…robots, nurses, younger anaesthesiologists? No just automatic operating tables..oh the shame!
Lol, we’ll still get blamed! ;-) Love this post!
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Read the article, it’s satire.
Loved the part where they said “if an orthopod could do it anyone could”. Wouldnt it be nice if propofol was the only drug you dispensed. LOL
Orthopods don’t need no stinking voice activated tables! They have Stryker Reps!
That’s what malpractice insurance is for!
OMG!!! This one is REALLY funny!!
*even the orthopods….lol!
Lol
sure its always anaesthesia’s fault isnt it??
sure its always anaesthesia’s fault isnt it??
Suits me fine!
Suits me fine!
Let alone man the “machine that goes ping “…..
…& who’s going to move the lights Ian Jenkins?!!
Who’s going to fiddle with the radio or change the CD?
A big change is coming to medical pro’s!!
Emanuell Borowski Rebecca Konen Clint Pitchforth Weston Swindlehurst Erin AndMike Ian Kendrick
Josh Uecker, uh oh! Now who is master of the bed?!
Actually, I rotated at a hospital in residency that had a voice activated OR table
There is a disappointing lack of butthurt comments from people who don’t know this is satire. I guess we just need more time.
But would the patient survive? :)
This is hilarious!
Kellie Galarneau, can we just start taping these to the professionalism sign in the bus stop?
I read one where they replaced an ENT with a q-tip, tongue depressor and a cough drop ;-)
Can’t sue a table.
You are right, we will have to modify the blame algorithm http://gomerblog.com/2014/06/anesthesia/
Mateo Uribe Moreno
I would LOOOOVE to replace a couple of our MDA’s!!!
So the surgeon will now accept responsibility for all bad outcomes they formerly blamed on anesthesia? LOL
James Simonson
Tony Bergin Mark Gibbs Jayne Berryman Barbara O’brien whst do you think
Not!!
Russell Ray
Who takes over asking about their sore throat the next am
Haa ha. Up. No sorry, back down a little. Nope I’m sorry back up. Lol
LoL!
Table up, table down, Trendelenburg, etc…I call it table acrobatics.
damn!! Jason Morgan
Tyroil Smoochie-Wallace
Sheet…even I could whack an appendix or a gallbladder out. See one, do one, teach one.
Brilliant