anesthesiologist hospital
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SAN JOSE, CA – In what appears to be a medical first, surgeons at Methodist Northwest Hospital have found that using voice-activated operating room tables instead of anesthesiologists or CRNAs is working remarkably well.

anesthesiologist hospital
“Table up”

“It’s fantastic,” said orthopaedic surgeon Dr. Michael Wheely.  “I don’t have to get anesthesia’s attention anymore!  I just say ‘table up’ or ‘rotate towards me’ and the table responds in the CORRECT direction. It’s  like magic!”

Hospital administrator Dr. C. Jonathan Egging confirmed his surgeons are generally very positive about the new tables.  “Most of our surgeons were understandably skeptical at first,” said Dr. Egging, “but after they saw that even the orthopods could do it, they all jumped on board.  By eliminating anesthesiologists altogether, we estimate net savings of $25 million the first year alone!”

Dr. Carol Phelps, a general surgeon agrees.  “Door-to-cut times have improved dramatically now that we aren’t being slowed down by anesthesia.  We just consult medicine to intubate and turn on the propofol dispensing machine and we’re off and running!  A PACU nurse is dedicated to a ‘wake up room’ and extubates patients when ready.”

Somewhat surprising, the hospital’s anesthesiologists and CRNAs aren’t terribly concerned.  “We now have more time than ever to work on what really matters: arm tans, making drape forts, and Sudoku.”

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  • Jessica Wilson Booth

    Megan Neighbors HaHaHaHa

  • James Ellwood

    Who says Americans cant do satire?

  • Elizabeth Maxey Dukes

    This is wrong on so many levels lol

  • Rishie Sinha

    Arm tans and sudoku. Love it! :D

  • Damian Fogarty

    replaces them with…robots, nurses, younger anaesthesiologists? No just automatic operating tables..oh the shame!

  • Rishi

    Lol, we’ll still get blamed! ;-) Love this post!

  • Moric Erianna

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  • Paul David

    Read the article, it’s satire.

  • Lisa Metcalf

    Loved the part where they said “if an orthopod could do it anyone could”. Wouldnt it be nice if propofol was the only drug you dispensed. LOL

  • Melissa LeBlanc Pelletier

    Orthopods don’t need no stinking voice activated tables! They have Stryker Reps!

  • Jody Madden

    That’s what malpractice insurance is for!

  • Jody Madden

    OMG!!! This one is REALLY funny!!

  • Amy Horton

    *even the orthopods….lol!

  • Mastura Monif

    Lol

  • Ellie O’leary

    sure its always anaesthesia’s fault isnt it??

  • Ellie O’leary

    sure its always anaesthesia’s fault isnt it??

  • Ruth Ní Naraigh

    Suits me fine!

  • Ruth Ní Naraigh

    Suits me fine!

  • Lucy Sadler

    Let alone man the “machine that goes ping “…..

  • Sarah Hulin

    …& who’s going to move the lights Ian Jenkins?!!

  • Ian Jenkins

    Who’s going to fiddle with the radio or change the CD?

  • Daniel Dominguez

    A big change is coming to medical pro’s!!

  • Rafferty Sorensen

    Emanuell Borowski Rebecca Konen Clint Pitchforth Weston Swindlehurst Erin AndMike Ian Kendrick

  • Sarah Sumrall

    Josh Uecker, uh oh! Now who is master of the bed?!

  • Brett Dempsey

    Actually, I rotated at a hospital in residency that had a voice activated OR table

  • Peter Kreishman

    There is a disappointing lack of butthurt comments from people who don’t know this is satire. I guess we just need more time.

  • Peter Kreishman

    But would the patient survive? :)

  • Gil Watson

    This is hilarious!

  • Jen Ronan Gerstle

    Kellie Galarneau, can we just start taping these to the professionalism sign in the bus stop?

  • Jason Edwards

    I read one where they replaced an ENT with a q-tip, tongue depressor and a cough drop ;-)

  • Bubba Hotep

    Can’t sue a table.

  • Gomerblog

    You are right, we will have to modify the blame algorithm http://gomerblog.wpengine.com/2014/06/anesthesia/

  • Samuel Rosas Saldarriaga

    Mateo Uribe Moreno

  • Amber Krajicek Lowe

    I would LOOOOVE to replace a couple of our MDA’s!!!

  • Jennifer Thomas

    So the surgeon will now accept responsibility for all bad outcomes they formerly blamed on anesthesia? LOL

  • Tiffany Bruner

    James Simonson

  • Janet Shaw

    Tony Bergin Mark Gibbs Jayne Berryman Barbara O’brien whst do you think

  • Ted Picano

    Not!!

  • Harrison Gold

    Russell Ray

  • Heather Harris

    Who takes over asking about their sore throat the next am

  • Terry Bartlett

    Haa ha. Up. No sorry, back down a little. Nope I’m sorry back up. Lol

  • Maria Federico Madonick

    LoL!

  • Lora Ann Cullipher

    Table up, table down, Trendelenburg, etc…I call it table acrobatics.

  • Victoria Morgan

    damn!! Jason Morgan

  • Fatima Aly

    Tyroil Smoochie-Wallace

  • Jay John

    Sheet…even I could whack an appendix or a gallbladder out. See one, do one, teach one.

  • Kevin McMullen

    Brilliant

  • Toya Govan

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