BOSTON, MA – According to sources close to GomerBlog, an American Urological Association (AUA) investigation has found that 11 out of 12 balls belonging to male patients on January 18, 2015 were inflated significantly below the AUA’s minimum requirement. The New England urologists are currently under investigation.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” said Coach Bill Belichick of the New England Patriots. “I’m not a urologist. I’m here to focus on the Seahawks.”
According to an AUA spokesperson, 11 out of 12 male balls were inflated to 2 PSI below the minimum of 12.5 PSI as set by the AUA. Many believe the New England urologists knowingly violated the AUA guidelines with deflated balls to gain an advantage over Indianapolis urologists in the management of urologic conditions on January 18, and should be punished.
“I hate to be blunt, but those urologists are acting like dicks!” commented one Baltimore physician, who absolutely abhors the New England urologists.
The New England urologists are no strangers to controversy. Back in 2007, the New England urologists were caught videotaping a New York urology practice in a controversy now dubbed “Spygate” and as a result received a hefty $250,000 fine for a gross violation of HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996).
Third-year Indianapolis urologist Andy Luck is also outraged. “Those guys were at a huge advantage with those balls being underinflated. Have you tried operating on properly inflated scrotums in a cold and rainy surgical suite in Boston? It’s incredibly difficult. But scrotums with less air in them? Way easier to manage. You don’t even need gloves to handle them.”
At a press conference held earlier today, New England urology icon Thomas Brady denied any involvement in the incident, stating matter-of-factly that cold weather makes balls shrink. However, he did note that he likes his balls deflated towards the minimum of 12.5 PSI. “To me, that’s when I can perfectly grip balls,” said Brady. “I could hurl one seventy yards down the PACU that way.”
The investigation will continue as the New England urologists meet with the Seattle urologists in Glendale, Arizona on February 1, 2015 for Supple Balls 49.
“It’s better than overinflating balls, in which case we’d have Blueballgate,” commented Seattle urologist Russell Wilcox, relieved that neither he nor his colleagues are involved with Deflategate. He then went on to pose a funny question to reporters at the end of his presser today: “First this, then what? Ejaculategate?”
Chaya Wolf
Kevin Ward
Seriously !!!
Michael Kister
Jake Lentner Nick Kramer
Haha
Smit Van Zyl
LMAO!
April Reed Amanda Smith Warren Mullin
“Third-year Indianapolis urologist Andy Luck is also outraged.”
You’d think they’d be used to operating on undersized balls at Stanford…
There goes my business model
Dan McCabe William O. Humphrey Lauren Liaboe Allison Boardman
This is getting out of hand Bob Brewer and Will E. L. Kahn. Lol
Well done, Gomer Blog!
This is hilarious!
Hilarious…
Chris Kyle
They say each urologist grips the ball differently, how could they not knoooww?!!!
Dr I P Daily, up and coming urologic fellow, stated, ” the phallacy here is that there is any advantage to shrinkage. Clearly with under inflation these balls will not meet meaningful use criteria.”
Dr Johnson Longfellow further stated,” these Boston hacks will have their comeuppance . Without evidence based medicine these paltry scrotal appendages will not have adequate turgor to occupy a patient center medical home”
Well done, well done.
Vanya Bilyeu
I would LOVE to sit with u guys when getting together to write something like this. What a pissin riot it would be with all the unwritten possibilities .
Best spot on the web! Thank you!
TOO FUNNY!!
Omg so funny
Omg so funny
Miss you too!
Miss you too!
LMFAO
LMFAO
Somehow I knew you would! Ohhh how you are missed! Truly…#MartinwithnoJeanna
Somehow I knew you would! Ohhh how you are missed! Truly…#MartinwithnoJeanna
Bahahahaha love it!
Bahahahaha love it!
Supple Balls 49…HAHA!!
Supple Balls 49…HAHA!!
Amy Cave Jeanna Simmons
Amy Cave Jeanna Simmons
Jenny Alff
Jenny Alff
LOL Ellen
Patric Sierzega
LOLZ!
Matt Uhlman…
Great response Debbie. In my many years of RN experience I have dealt with over ball inflation rather than under inflation. With under inflation, the patient tends to be more humble and easier to treat. Bigger balls, or over inflation, leads to the syndrome of Hypergonadism whereby the patients thinks he can do anything he wants with those balls and needs psychological help as well.
We were talking about under inflated ETT’s with a CRNA today and he said he wanted to avoid inflate gate
Matthew Thompson
” New England urology icon Thomas Brady”
Nicholas V. Stickel
Ha!
BWAHAHAHAHAHA. Kate.
Saw you at uchellos yesterday. I was going to say hi but got distracted. I see how doctors spend their lunch hour ;)
Wendy McCartney Wallus
Sean Bhalla Andre Matteliano
Just as important…over inflation of any balls could lead to Prostategate which we all know could “impede the flow” of urologic procedures to a trickle. A very uncomfortable position for both the owner and handler of the overinflated balls and those officiating the urologic surgical theater….and generally requires a referral to Dr. Flo Max
Christopher Blewett
Andrew Walter