io access

AUSTIN, TX  – In yet another case of medical “whoops-a-daisy” late last night, intern Alex Franklin mistook his supervising resident’s order to obtain emergency IO access during a cardiopulmonary arrest for intraocular access, and inadvertently drilled an IV start kit into the left eye of 89-year-old nursing home patient Emma Cousins.

io access
Amazing skin for a 89 year old

“The resident asked for IO access so naturally I fetched an intraosseous start kit,” explained nurse Steven Killen.  He shakes his head.  “Leave it to the intern.  Next thing we know, he attached the needle to the power drill and aimed straight at the patient’s sclera.”

“In Alex’s defense, IO can stand for many things,” said ICU attending Jason Mueller, scratching his head.  “It can stand for intraosseous… intraocular… intraovarian… yeah, no, I don’t know what to say, my intern really dropped the ball on this one.”

Numerous providers present at the code stated that the silence was deafening when Franklin announced he had secured intraocular access.

“We didn’t know what to say,” explained charge nurse Gail Gatlin.  “An eyeball IV?  Shocking.  But when no one else could get peripheral or central access, we shortly realized, ‘Wow, this intraocular access is actually pretty darn secure,’ so we just ran with it.”

Cousins was successfully resuscitated and has surprisingly recovered quickly without any residual deficits.  She does describe the “IV in my eyeball” as “a little annoying” but admits “I’ve been through much worse” and states “I’ll be fine.”  Later that afternoon, Cousins was transferred to the medical floor where she continues to do well.  Ophthalmology was consulted and are extremely excited to clean up the mess, stating, “Wow, we haven’t seen anything like this: WTF IO IV OS!”

In other news, the 20-year-old healthy male one door down from Cousins’ room with an acute on chronic papercut, David Black, is wailing incessantly and begging for Dilaudid, screaming, “This is unbearable, I think I’m going to die,” referring to the clean and secure 18-gauge in his right hand, before putting his headphones back on and texting his friends on his cell phone.



  • Show Comments

  • Jessica Rademaker

    Wendy Chan
    Debra Tracey


  • Katie ‘kimbo’ Colvill

    Fuck….. Probably still practicing.

  • Peter Kanyaro

    You can’t teach stupid! I wonder at what point when he was DRILLING into a patients eye that he/she realized something was wrong?

  • Katie ‘kimbo’ Colvill

    If it wasn’t true it would be funny that one would say that. Not actually do it

  • Peter Kanyaro

    Bahahahaha! But seriously that’s not funny…

  • Katie ‘kimbo’ Colvill

    Peter Kanyaro

  • Manmeet Zhang

    that 80 year old pt has the fountain of youth in her back pocket!

  • Joshua Ritsema

    It’s a satire article and website

  • Stephen H. Johnson

    reminds me of the chart I saw one time in which the eye surgeon began cutting on the unanesthetized eye: “patient became combative.”

  • Sherry Baushke

    This is so obviously BS, let’s be real. After an incident everyone involved talks to the press & the nurses use it to run meds. Yeah right!

  • Marie Crandall

    The excruciating “acute on chronic” paper cut down the hall!! Hahah!

  • Nate Schneider

    Billie Jo Grieve, Gina Risty

  • Dora Leibu

    The worst part aside from the poor patient’s eye is the fact that they published the intern’s name…

  • Dora Leibu

    The worst part aside from the poor patient’s eye is the fact that they published the intern’s name…

  • Renata Schexnaydre

    Traci Gorman Boudreaux read this!

  • Ramona Queeney

    Hehe Intra Ocular

  • Maggie Pollitt


  • Maggie Pollitt

    Once again, it’s satire.

  • Maggie Pollitt

    Again, it’s satire.

  • Maggie Pollitt


  • Maggie Pollitt

    Once again, satire.

  • Maggie Pollitt

    Again, satire.

  • Maggie Pollitt


  • Derek Bell

    Not cool

  • Jazzy Jaz

    Alastair James Baird

  • Brandy Acklin Bradford

    I prefer intrathecal/fecal myself!!

  • Pasquale Iannoli

    Eye-oh access….of course.

  • Sarah Barajas

    Daniel Filbrun – this is what I’m talking about lol

  • Kathleen Cobi

    Oh my!

  • Peggy Henderson

    I truly hope this is a joke … How the hell did this intern get MD behind his name

  • Laurie Z Anderson

    I have made off color jokes about this very thing multiple times…..primarily bc I didn’t think there was a person on the planet who could be this ridiculously stupid! Just when I think I’ve seen/heard it all……

  • Liana Chew

    Robert Young

  • Mark Brauner

    It is indicated for acute closed angle glaucoma.

  • Bobby Missaghi

    probably a family medicine or IM intern

  • Vadim Ustemchuk


  • Justin Sim

    This guy’s a champion Julian Phang Jonathan Liu

  • Kelly Healy

    Gene Lee

  • Kelly Healy

    Gene Lee

  • Marvin Jackson

    Somebody, somewhere, deep in the recesses of their mind has done this!

  • Marvin Jackson

    Somebody, somewhere, deep in the recesses of their mind has done this!

  • Denise Huff Raychok


  • Denise Huff Raychok


  • Janice Nicholson

    Lol…. The paper cut line at the end nails it!

  • Donna Reise McAnear


  • Katie Manning Shute

    This cannot be true.

  • Allison Hebert Zellman

    It’s satire.

  • Ana Lucia Pappas

    I just can’t believe it!

  • Michelle Melicosta

    Suzanne Venoski Prestwich

  • Michele Marie


  • Michele Marie


  • Matt Lyons

    In other news TJC is conducting research to determine safety of completely removing all abbreviations. Stay tuned.

  • Heike Johnson


  • Jaclyn Christine

    Eric Scholten

  • Shanna Knight Leslie
  • Susan Sullivan Fulton


  • Mandy Tarver Horner

    Me, too!! The people who take it seriously are more funny than the articles, themselves! LOL

  • Kelly Summers Koch

    This article is hilarious Jamie Kirby Lynch

  • Donna Baker

    ” amazing skin for an 89 year old” haha

  • Michael Monahan

    This is a satirical blog…..but yes, in general patients need to take more responsibility.

  • Susan Sullivan Fulton

    I am amazed daily that peeps do not realize Gomerblog is satire. LMFAO

  • Jenny Codding

    Bonnie-Kim Hang

  • Vanessa Quinones

    Hahaha just perfect

  • Gomerblog

    Well said!

  • Christina Lundy

    Vanessa Quinones lol

  • Heather Black


  • Steve Sides

    I hope it’s not my hospital, oh please God

  • Christy Burlison Shaw


  • Terry Crawford

    Next they are going to say that I’m doing my Intra-maxillary injections incorrectly….

  • Ken Lowder

    Umer, yes they can.

  • Tara McConnaughy


  • Umer Nisar

    yeah no one can be that much dumb!

  • Jenna Sahr

    It’s a satire site. All of their articles are meant to poke fun.

  • Letecia Hanshew

    Ha! Ha! and now, IO is on the list of unapproved abbreviations. ;)

  • Debbie Rowe

    LOLZ! Reasonably sure if we only offered dilaudid INTRAOCULAR our requests for said pain med would drop like a dress on prom night.

  • Ruth Lange-Trecker

    was the woman in a coma when this happened? Patients need to accept a little responsibility for things as well. If I go to my eye Dr for a check up and they try to stick a needle in my knee, I would stop them.

  • Blake Epling

    Ah hahaha

  • Umer Nisar

    Oh come on that cant be real!

  • Benjamin Joseph Flom

    This line is hysterical:

    “‘Wow, this intraocular access is actually pretty darn secure,’ so we just ran with it.”

  • Elizabeth Svoboda


  • Valentina Lucaj

    Nikhil Kumta hahah

  • Lori Lessard

    They always said abbreviations just weren’t safe!….lol

  • Rebecca Westlake

    Matt Denney

  • Linda Gladhill-Bottenus

    Now I’ve heard everything.

  • Rocco Arcieri

    Dr john Punwirthy, attending physician,”yeah we didn’t see this one coming and neither did the patient. We will have a new vision in teaching procedures . We will be stressing to interns they need more of an eye for detail. They can’t lose sight of the proper process. Of course hindsight is20/20 and you can bet attendings and patients will be eyeballing these young doctors much more closely”

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