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contact house

PHILADELPHIA, PA – A new mandate was recently passed that now requires ALL patients that were in contact precautions in the hospital, must have a yellow contact precaution cart outside of their home after discharge.

“You know they still have MRSA and can spread it to their community,” architect of the measure, Dan Wilson, stated. “Everyone that enters the house must put on a yellow gown, mask, and gloves. Everyone.”

Family members of the affected are also encouraged to wear gowns around the house unless they to have been on contact precautions.  “It really makes things easier if the whole family has been on contact precautions before. Just saves a lot of time and money.”

One family slightly altered the guidelines by placing their Grandma, who was just discharged and was culture positive for MRSA, in the bedroom upstairs and moving the yellow cart just to her door. “We just won’t let her out, those gowns were getting really hot!” said Loretta’s son Chris wiping sweat from his forehead.

Sometimes it isn’t so simple.  “All of us have been on contact precautions except our baby Michael,” Judy Forester told reporters. “It is really hard to find yellow gowns that fit a newborn! I had to go to 3 different contact-precaution-gown stores. Luckily they were all on contact-precaution-gown street, down in the contact-precaution-gown district.”

“It’s of the utmost importance that we maintain public safety, and protect the public from MRSA, C. diff., and many other infectious diseases,” Dan Wilson told reporters. “When does it end?” Mr. Wilson said repeating a reporter’s question. “Fighting the spread of deadly infectious diseases never end.”

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