STARFLEET – Mr. Spock of the USS Enterprise has informed Gomerblog that he finds his patient’s demands for Dilaudid and other narcotics “highly illogical.”
He confided to both Captain James T. Kirk and Dr. “Bones” McCoy that Mr. Jim Redshirt “isn’t writhing in pain, is laughing while texting on his cell phone, and seems to be ingesting his double portions with adequacy” so his request for such a highly-potent narcotic seems “inconsistent” with his appearance at best.
Redshirt got increasingly aggravated towards all three when he realized something was amiss. Captain Kirk suggested that Bones give in to what Redshirt ordered despite Spock’s astute observations.
“Damn it Jim, I’m a doctor, not a waiter,” responded an angry Dr. McCoy, siding with Spock.
Just then, Redshirt starting cursing and lunging at Dr. McCoy. Thankfully, Spock calmed Redshirt down with something more powerful than an Ativan diffuser and Haldol blowdart combined: the Vulcan nerve pinch.
“Thank you, Mr. Spock,” breathed a relieved Captain Kirk, just as Sulu walked into the room. “Mr. Sulu, please discharge this man. Warp speed.”