OMAHA, NE – Officials from Hamton Hospital may have to implement new policies after an orthopedic surgeon inadvertently flooded out the operating room during a shoulder arthroscopy.
Dr. Brock Hammersley was performing a difficult shoulder arthroscopy and continued to order a massive and somewhat ridiculous amount of irrigation fluid. “Anesthesia, what’s the blood pressure, I can’t see s*** in here!”
Anesthesiologist, Dr. Desmond Flurane had other problems to worry about. “Initially much of my attention was focused on building a blanket fort on the ground to keep the impending tide from overtaking my space. I even implemented our suction units on maximum suction.” Dr. Flurane’s makeshift wall was quickly being overrun and he called for assistance with soda lime sand bags, but it was too late.
“The water just kept rising, first ankles, then knees… he just kept going, demanding more irrigation fluid,” stated a clearly emotional scrub technician, Gary Myers, who doesn’t know how to swim. “I started to panic. I thought to myself, is this how it really ends!!”
Emergency rafts, scuba gear, and sterile floaties were gathered from the hospital labor deck which had just recently been ordered for the newly-popular underwater births.
Hammersley who refused to wear floaties began treading water and gloated that he was able to surgerize while treading water.
“Look at me, brahs, treading water despite my high muscle density and cutting at the same time! Oh YEAH!! Anesthesia, load up 30 grams of Ancef!”