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Washington, DC – In a move sure to frustrate the President, Anesthesiologist General Dr. Jerome Adams has decided that he will not perform any blocks in his new role. “The Democratic Senators have been doing nothing but blocks for the last 8 months and have been surprisingly effective,” Dr. Adams said in a press conference before adding, “I only wish my blocks were as effective or lasted half as long!”

nerve block
“Show me the needle tip Nancy!”

When asked what he attributed the success of the Democratic blocks to, the Anesthesiologist General said, “Apparently they’re adding a new Mu-receptor blocker called ‘Filibuster’ into a lot of their blocks and it has been quite effective. They’ve caused some of the longest lasting legislativepraxias anyone has ever seen. The early studies have shown Filibuster lasts way longer and gives a more complete blockade than even Exparel!”

President Trump has numerous times complained about the Democratic blocks saying, “they just delay the case and don’t really work that well anyways.”

Trump also promised to continue using Executive Verbal Orders to get his legislative agenda back up and running even after the Democratic blocks.

“Blocks are fine in certain cases, however when we’re trying to Make America Great Again, they just impede progress. Numerous studies have shown that blocks only work for a little while and don’t significantly improve satisfaction scores,” Trump ranted.

“Thankfully the Anesthesiologist General has been on breaks 75% of his time so far, the CRNA general is much more supportive and understanding of the need to get this term moving so I can move onto my next term,” President Trump said as he sighed before returning to Twitter while waiting for the Anesthesiologist General to let him get started.

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  • Naan DerThaal

    A high school classmate of the lesser 3/5 of N’Sync, Naan DerThaal spent a number of years mired in mediocrity before finding his true calling, writing snarky anonymous internet commentary. He is a multi-time participation trophy recipient in Little League Baseball and has appeared on TV numerous times in the background of sporting events. He enjoys head-butting Lionfish and wrestling seasnakes in his free time and can often be seen dragging a mallet around the hospital. Follow him on Twitter @NaanDerthaal

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