ATLANTA, GA – The National Automotive Parts Association (NAPA), which is better known as NAPA Auto Parts, is expanding its business to include the distribution & sale of human body parts.

This is great news for surgeons across the board, as the increased supply should help drive down costs. Transplant surgeons in particular are ecstatic as the current supply of live organs based on donation alone is not enough to meet demand.

“NAPA has over 6,000 stores across the U.S. alone,” said Dr. Jade Love-Beans, who is a transplant surgeon at the Georgia Kidney Transplant Program. “Think of the access we’ll now have to body parts: hips, eyes, bones, hearts, lungs, you name it. Then you have to realize they have thousands upon thousands of repair facilities across the United States. We could convert some of that into OR space if needed. This is huge.”

The sheer volume of body parts now at health care’s disposal is staggering.

Love-Beans is salivating over the possibilities. “We’ll be like kids in a candy store,” she added, thinking she’ll need at least 2 or 3 shopping carts on her first trip to NAPA alone. “Except we don’t recommend eating body parts. That’s called cannibalism.”

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.