BOSTON, MA – Good news, healthcare workers: A study published in the New England Journal of PPE has found that bandanas are superior to both N95 respirators and surgical masks as personal protective equipment (PPE) for novel coronavirus.

This should alleviate any and all anxieties on the part of health care professionals on the front-line who were concerned about guidelines from the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) recommending homemade PPE such as bandanas in the eventuality of a mask shortage.

“We were surprised that bandanas were impenetrable to not only to COVID-19, but influenza, pertussis, tuberculosis, measles, chickenpox, basically all infectious diseases viral, bacterial, fungal, or otherwise,” explained lead author Dr. Ashley Cody. “The CDC was right after all. Bandanas function better than N95s; they function like N100s.”

What does that mean? Whereas a N95 respirator filters out 95% of airborne particles, a bandana filters out 100%.

“So health care professionals, stock up on those bandanas, they might be what save you,” Director of the CDC Robert R. Redfield advised. “Plus you’ll look good too.”

Unfortunately at the time of this post, a run on bandanas by the American public while healthcare professionals were at work has depleted the supply chain. Sorry, health care professionals, looks like you’re out of homemade PPE too.

Tough.