SAN DIEGO, CA – According to hospital administrators, Code Blue carts are now being outfitted to meet a new and growing medical emergency. Effective Jan. 1, 2015, Drawer 2 in all Code Blue carts at Sunshine Community Hospital will contain freshly-made turkey sandwiches and mini ginger ales.
“Medical emergencies have really changed over the past 20 years,” said hospital administrator Jeremy Brighton. “Today’s real and more frequent emergencies in the ED and on the floors deal with irate hungry patients. We like to call it a Code Hangry around here. If a patient is hungry or thirsty, they might fill out a negative patient satisfaction survey. That, my friends, would be worse than an actual death.”
Drawer 1 will still contain normal ACLS drugs such as epinephrine, vasopressin, and amiodarone. Instead of overrated airway equipment, Drawer 2 will now contain mini ginger ale cans and at least 4 freshly-made sandwiches. Two of the sandwiches need to be turkey sandwiches to be used as a first-round agent. After the first round of hunger resuscitation has been performed, ham and roast beef sandwiches can be used as alternative treatment modalities.
Sandwiches are required to have stickers placed on Saran wrap with the date and time. According to the Joint Commission, writing the date and time with a Sharpie directly on the Saran wrap will be forbidden as it must be written on a white label. Sandwiches will expire 24 hours after preparation, and will need to be replaced in the code cart. The sandwiches will be wrapped in such a way that nurses will be able to open and unwrap the sandwich in less than 3 seconds in order to administer them quickly to patients.
Ginger ale must be in mini-sized cans in order for the drawer to close, and must be delivered via a 5 mm 12-inch straw with a flexible end within seconds of administering a sandwich.
“We are excited about bringing these new life saving adjuncts to our medical teams,” stated Brighton. “Next on our list is to mandate turkey sandwich making classes for our nurses and medical assistants, to ensure continued high quality medical care. We don’t want to suspend licenses like we did last year to a nurse for making an incorrect and sub-par sandwich. ”
ACLS = Advanced Culinary Lifts Scores
PJ, you need a cheeseburger and a beer! ;-)
The hospital gave me the diabetes!
I didn’t have it when I got here but now you people gave me diabetes!
Hey, has anyone seen my bag of snickers bars? I like to eat them when I’m drinking my double shot, triple chocolate, batter and deep fried latte.
Well, leg bags would make any kind of break time not happen so….why not? ; )
My patients are allergic to ginger ale and can only mix cranberry juice with the bottle of vodka in their recently peed-in jacket
Glad you saved some lives last night with those stat samdwiches
Killing me right now!
Thank goodness Lindsay Woody …
Says the non-diabetic who has never been in DKA. Guess what happens when your pancreas quits? Your blood sugar goes sky high b/c you don’t make insulin anymore. If their blood sugar is 700 AFTER diagnosis, it’s a matter of them not taking their insulin or pills, or their doc hasn’t properly medicated them. It doesn’t matter if they eat or not (even not eating, the liver pumps out sugar, and in fact will pump out MORE b/c it thinks you’re starving yourself), your sugar goes up, and it’s clear that they are not taking their meds. This is the thing you need to address-why are they not taking their meds? As a T1, who has been in DKA ONLY at diagnosis, it amazes me how medical people have no clue about diabetes. If I were to stop taking my insulin, I would be in the ER in 2 days with a blood sugar around 600-800 or higher and I would not have to eat to get it that high. Just miss a couple of shots. Pathophys lesson done for the day.
Amen, Laura, amen…
Instant death to be visited upon family member in three…two…
Teehee!
Well I used to be a cook I can do this! Lol surprised no one has asked for this already.
Is there a CPT code for that?
BS=Baloney Sandwich ?
while munching on Moon pie and drinking coke
“Where’s the cheetos ?!!!!”
Amy Barber Birkhimer Diane Moore Canard
Amy Barber Birkhimer Diane Moore Canard
What, no little packages of graham drackers and saltines?
Go to the snack machine.Nurses have more important things to do
Hahaha! Yep! RN = Refreshments and Narcotics!
My father-in-law is having an upcoming surgery, will rectal feeding be available?
That would be great for the family members that are sitting for hors with their sick relatives.
Cel… Lol
Turkey sandwich Omnitel
Jacob Barton
Don’t forget to feed the family and visitors. They’re hungry too.
Now, THIS is top-shelf medical thinking. All those gun-grabbing doctors practising politics could learn a thing or two from these guys… ;-)
Great idea!!!! I was so much more upset about starving to death than my chest pain after 6 hours in the emergency room and after numerous tests!!!!!
One of the MANY reasons I can’t WAIT to get into grad school and FINALLY get the hell out of the hospital setting!
Claire Reese
No BS. I actually met my wife while I was coding someone in the ER while eating a turkey sandwich.
Where’s mine
That’s awesome!
We can do a build your own omelette bar on Sundays! Scores will soar!!!
Kim O’Leary you pioneered this treatment ! Well done! Right Judith Toski Welsh ?
Liquids
The new admit wit abd pain and intractable nausea asks for pain med, nauseous medicine and a menu. Are you freaking kidding me? You’re lucky you’re gettin clear lows
Great! A $200 turkey sandwich that you pay for even if you don’t eat it.
OMG!!! I was wondering when this would finally happen. About time !!!!!!!!!
finally lol!
“I need a turkey sandwich, my Benadryl, some Dilala and my fen-rah-gen. What’s the wifi password? I need another outlet for my laptop and my iPod. I need to talk to a social worker because my lights got turned off and I need a furniture voucher.”
I’m coming over for lunch
Really ???? Is this for the starving nurses that haven’t been able to have lunch
We all know nothing resuscitates someone faster than a turkey samich & fruit punch!
LOL! Perfect ! Actually had a family member say about their nurse “our waitress was supposed to bring us 2 Sprites, where are they?”
Finally, the answer to “What time do you serve lunch in the ER?”
5-Rs. Right bread, Right meat, Right size, Right condiment, Right refreshing beverage.
Bahaha!
Ashley Larson King. Ha! You were just talking about this!
I like that turkey is the first treatment option, but then you can try ham and roast beef.
Jenny Codding
“Is the bread gluten free??”
“But I’m diabetic and haven’t eaten all day”= blood glucose of 700 and an insulin drip
Yep, that’ll take care of my 10/10 abdominal pain every time.
About darned time. I was sick and tired of complaining to the admins about this.
Always the ones admitted with abdominal pain or nausea
RN= refreshments and narcotics!
Amy Craven Geurts , turkey sandwich and dilaul
“Is that all you have is diet pop? Can I have a menu?”
Think this means we can get Arby’s to sponsor ACLS?
Dietary staff are unsung heroes.
Leon Kitipornchai Kristy Rae…Bahahaha Jayne Berryman
I broke out in a hearty laugh.
So sad that this is true.
Slick turkey to the rescue!!
…and the phone so they can call their cousins in Memphis.
Sadly, the truth in American medicine. It is no longer medicine but a hostage situation !