Breaking: Penlights Extinct
CHICAGO, IL - The American Association of Physical Exam Tools & Instruments (AAPETI) has announced that penlights are officially extinct, Gomerblog reports.
"It is with...
Ask a Hospitalist
Dear Hospitalist,
I’ve been having chest pain for the past three weeks. I get it right in the middle of the chest, it's worse when...
Olympic Officials Apologize for Pools Filled with Blood
RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL - Rio Olympic officials have once again apologized profusely for all of the Olympic swimming pools being filled with blood...
Patient in Room 3 Worried After Code Blues in 1, 2, 4 & 5
ATLANTA, GA - “Oh God oh God oh God!” is what Tim McConnell said to himself in a fit of paranoia after a fourth...
Hospitalists Aim to Place All Americans by 2020
PHILADELPHIA, PA - The Society of Hospital Medicine (SHM) has announced a new multibillion-dollar PBP initiative, which stands for "Place, Baby, Place!", with the...
Doctor Curbsides Doctor at Curbside
ATLANTA, GA - Gomerblog is on scene to report that Dr. Andrea Pascal of Internal Medicine has just curbsided Dr. Andy Rapp of Infectious Diseases at curbside,...
NASA Plans to Build a Skilled Nursing Facility on Mars
MERRITT ISLAND, FL - Scientists have been planning a human mission to Mars for exploration and habitation for decades. Successful travel to and habitation of...
Wow, Hospitalist Appreciating the Hell Outta Everyone in Today’s Progress Note
DURHAM, NC - In a particularly thankful mood today, hospitalist Poonam Trivedi has really gone all out, appreciating the hell out of everyone today in her progress...
That Can’t Be Good: Flu Swab Positive for C. Diff
ATLANTA, GA - In a highly-ominous sign suggesting this year's influenza season may be as bad or even worse than last year's, the Centers...