Hospitalists

Hospitalist Spends Day After Christmas Returning Unwanted Admissions

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MORGANTON, NC - Like most people in America, Dr. Lara Nottarg got some things for Christmas that she didn’t exactly want. Unlike most Americans,...
physician on toilet paper coffee sit-to-sh*t 29 seconds

Review: Lesser-Known Types of Enemas

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Constipation is prevalent in hospitalized patients. Systematic reviews have shown that 99.7% of patients are constipated from prolonged bedrest or medication side effects,...
acid-base disorders

Study Concludes That Anyone Who Understands Acid-Base is a Big, Fat Liar

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BOSTON, MA - A landmark study in the latest issue of the Old England Journal of Medicine (OEJM) concluded "beyond a shadow of a...

Area Doctor Obtains ‘DNR’ Tattoos At Every Central Venous Access Point After Stint at...

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BOCA RATON, FL - After briefly working at a rehab facility, traumatized area physician Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram rushed to a local tattoo parlor to have "DNR"...
heparin bridge

Atlanta Uses Heparin Bridge for Collapsed, Subtherapeutic Part of I-85

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ATLANTA, GA - Nearly 24 hours after a massive fire engulfed and collapsed a section of I-85 Northbound near Piedmont Road, rendering it subtherapeutic and...
bedside komodo dragon

PT Recommends Bedside Commode, Bedside Komodo Dragon

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MARIETTA, GA - Physical Therapy has just left recommendations for hospitalist David Walker regarding their mutual patient 50-year-old Gina Welch, who was admitted for pneumonia,...

Patient in Room 3 Worried After Code Blues in 1, 2, 4 & 5

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ATLANTA, GA - “Oh God oh God oh God!” is what Tim McConnell said to himself in a fit of paranoia after a fourth...
hospitalist

Hospitalist Has Turned On ‘Out of Office’ Reply Permanently

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HARTFORD, CT - Dr. Paul Tanzwicki, a new hospitalist at Upper West Medical Center, was excited to turn his out of office reply on...
troponin bump

Intern Has Mild Troponin Bump Over Patient’s Mild Troponin Bump

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NASHVILLE, TN - After seeing her patient with chest pain develop a mild troponin bump up to 0.25 on this morning's set of labs,...
Wonder Woman bracelets

Under Fire, Wonder Woman Uses Her Indestructible Bracelets to Deflect ER Admissions Left &...

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THEMYSCIRA - Wonder Woman has been under siege by emergency room personnel at Amazonian Medical Center, but doesn't seem fazed as her Bracelets of...