Hospitalists

productive cough

Getting Things Done: Cough Quite Productive Today

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HUNTSVILLE, AL - Checking off its To Do list like it's nobody else's business, patient Reynold Baker's cough is happy to report that it...
Totally Unclear Murky Liquid Diet

Patient Put on Totally Unclear, Very Murky Liquid Diet

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AUSTIN, TX - Seeking to ruffle some feathers by going against the usual progression from NPO to clear liquids, hospitalist Roy McRoy placed his...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC: Inhale Lysol Before, After Every COVID-19 Encounter

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ATLANTA, GA - Based on recent review of the available evidence, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) strongly recommends inhaling Lysol before...
physician on toilet paper coffee sit-to-sh*t 29 seconds

Review: Lesser-Known Types of Enemas

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Constipation is prevalent in hospitalized patients. Systematic reviews have shown that 99.7% of patients are constipated from prolonged bedrest or medication side effects,...
endotracheal tube cough suppressant

Study: The Most Effective Cough Suppressant is an Endotracheal Tube

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BOSTON, MA - Cough drops for a cough?  Not so fast.  An illuminating new multicenter, randomized-controlled, quintuple-blinded study in the New England Journal of...

Trump Unites Us All with Plan to Build Wall Around Hospitals, Prevent Admissions

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CLEVELAND, OH - In front of supporters at the Republican National Convention, Donald Trump has unified not only the Republican Party but also Americans,...

Be Like Bill Medical Collection – Part 1

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Lumbar Puncture LP Spinal Tap

Two Examples of Amazingly Subpar Lumbar Puncture Procedure Notes

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Amazingly Subpar Lumbar Puncture Procedure Note #1 Procedure: This is Spinal Tap. Date/Time: Optional. Indication: Infectious Diseases said it was a good idea. Resident: Dr. Kyle Richter, PGY-1. Attending: Yes. A time-out was completed to...
excited woman

Physician Signs Out Patient Census and Pager, Has Slight Orgasm

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ORLANDO, FL - After having one of the toughest weeks in her professional career as a hospitalist during which she had a census of...

Patient in Room 3 Worried After Code Blues in 1, 2, 4 & 5

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ATLANTA, GA - “Oh God oh God oh God!” is what Tim McConnell said to himself in a fit of paranoia after a fourth...