Hospitalists

tilt table

Breaking: Tilt Table All Crooked & Sh*t

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ATLANTA, GA - In breaking news to Gomerblog, hospitalists, cardiologists, and neurologists at Emory Healthcare have come to a rare consensus, agreeing this tilt...
abdominal pain

Hospitalist Becomes Own Endless Loop

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In a stunning procession of events, nocturnist Angus "Kilty" McSwagger became the only known hospitalist to experience the so-called "admission mirror paradox."  Long speculated...

Video: 10/10 Abdominal Pain While Eating Doritos & Talking on Her Cell Phone

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We sat down with Dr. Gomez, a doctor who treated a patient with 10/10 abdominal pain while eating Doritos and talking on her cell...
chapped lips hot mess express

Patient Formally Diagnosed as Acute on Chronic Hot Mess

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SANTA FE, NM - After a battery of laboratory tests, radiographic imaging, and subspecialty consultations, a team of health care professionals has formally diagnosed...
hospitalist place

Hospitalists Aim to Place All Americans by 2020

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PHILADELPHIA, PA - The Society of Hospital Medicine (SHM) has announced a new multibillion-dollar PBP initiative, which stands for "Place, Baby, Place!", with the...

It Took Over 3 Years, But ICU Team Finally Finishes Untangling All Those Lines

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SAN JOSE, CA - It took over 3 years and 7 months to do, but the intensive care unit (ICU) team at Holy Cross...

Physician Recruitment Ad Statements and What They Really Mean

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Ad text Actual meaning Established medical center is a state of the art, modern, newly renovated hospital   The MRI works 12 hours out of the week, and...
Amazon Echo

Cardiologist Extremely Disappointed by Amazon Echo

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DALLAS, TX - Unable to visualize any cardiac images let alone make any useful observations about the human heart, a cardiologist at Baylor University...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

New CDC Recommendation: Ignore Patients with Pain > 4

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ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has issued a new recommendation on the heels of March's "CDC Guideline for...
Death Star Darth Vader

Vader Displeased with Readmissions, Delinquent Discharge Summaries

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MED-SURG UNIT, DEATH STAR MEDICAL CENTER, DEATH STAR - We have received word from the Rebel Alliance that Darth Vader has been distracted and displeased...