Hospitalists

Hospice Agencies Pioneering a Different Approach to the Decidedly Unglamorous Process of Dying

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“Our clients customize their own End of Living Plans down to the finest details,” mused company spokesperson Delilah Banerjee. “Their final months, days, and...
tilt table

Breaking: Tilt Table All Crooked & Sh*t

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ATLANTA, GA - In breaking news to Gomerblog, hospitalists, cardiologists, and neurologists at Emory Healthcare have come to a rare consensus, agreeing this tilt...
physician on toilet paper coffee sit-to-sh*t 29 seconds

Review: Lesser-Known Types of Enemas

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Constipation is prevalent in hospitalized patients. Systematic reviews have shown that 99.7% of patients are constipated from prolonged bedrest or medication side effects,...
bladder trial voiding

Breaking: Urinary Bladder Placed on Trial for Voiding

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ATLANTA, GA - "This voiding trial has begun!" Judge Emerson Rhodes III told a full-capacity, overly-distended courtroom in downtown Atlanta as he called order...
Death Star Darth Vader

Vader Displeased with Readmissions, Delinquent Discharge Summaries

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MED-SURG UNIT, DEATH STAR MEDICAL CENTER, DEATH STAR - We have received word from the Rebel Alliance that Darth Vader has been distracted and displeased...
excited woman

Physician Signs Out Patient Census and Pager, Has Slight Orgasm

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ORLANDO, FL - After having one of the toughest weeks in her professional career as a hospitalist during which she had a census of...
standardized patient

Family Meeting Gone Awry: Patient Makes Medical Team DNR

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KNOXVILLE, TN - In a palliative care-run family meeting that has gone completely awry, a patient and family has made their multidisciplinary inpatient medical...
colonoscopy

Breaking: Gastroenterologist Thinks Patient is Full of Sh*t

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COOKEVILLE, TN - A local gastroenterologist by the name of Baxter Jones completely shocked patient Mason Watts and his family when he flat out...
chest pain rule out toy elephant

Chest Pain Rule-Out: Patient with Stuffed Elephant Sitting on Chest

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DANBURY, CT - A patient at Danbury Medical Center was admitted for chest pain rule out after he was complaining of a toy stuffed...

Patient Gives Hospital 1-Star Rating on TripAdvisor

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LANGDON, ND – After a recent 43-day admission, local resident Sylvia McElroy reviewed her stay at Cavalier County Memorial Hospital with a disappointing 1-star...