Hospitalists

cryptocurrency meningitis

Bitcoin Users Infected with Cryptocurrency Meningitis

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ATLANTA, GA - Over the past month, volatile swings in bitcoin have led to an ominous halving of its value, which has thrown investors...
rock in hospital

Medical Service’s “Rock” Patient Discovered Upon Physical Exam to Be Actual Rock

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PLYMOUTH, MA - Intern Douglas McCombs was surprised to learn this morning that a patient on the medical service, who had been deemed a...
orthopedic surgeon ortho spelling bee WBAT sticks & stones

Nice Work, Brah: Ortho Note Mentions Horizontal Nystagmus

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BOSTON, MA - Hospitalists, neurologists, and neurosurgeons at Massachusetts Specific Hospital in Boston were dumbfounded this morning when they found that a note by...
npo guidelines acute pulmonary embolism

100,000,000 Miles Later: Santa Diagnosed with Acute Pulmonary Embolism

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NORTH POLE - Santa pulled off another successful Christmas for children around the world but it has come with a cost: Earlier this morning,...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

New CDC Recommendation: Ignore Patients with Pain > 4

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ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has issued a new recommendation on the heels of March's "CDC Guideline for...
G-tube G-spot

The Difference Between A G-Tube & The G-Spot

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GomerBlog returns to help distinguish between two similar but often confused entities. The "G" in G-tube refers to "gastric" or "gastrostomy." A G-tube is...
patient in hospital NPO after discharge

Unchartered Territory: Doctor Makes Patient NPO After Discharge

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DURHAM, NC - Stating that the outside world contains enough variables to make pulmonary aspiration a true and serious risk, hospitalist Mack Reynolds has...
hypertension guidelines

Labile Guidelines: ACC/AHA Hypertension Cutoff Now 180/100

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Last month, several societies including the American College of Cardiology (ACC) and American Heart Association (AHA) redefined hypertension as greater than...

Tips: How to Keep Your Necktie Nice & Colonized‏

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So who doesn’t love neckties?  Not only do they strangle your windpipe, but they also spread disease with reckless abandon.  Cheers to that!  Here...
baby aspirin

FDA Reminder: Baby Aspirin Not Actually Meant for Babies

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SILVER SPRING, MD - Looking to clear things up to the confused American public, the Food & Drug Administration (FDA) has issued a reminder that...