Hospitalists

CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

New CDC Recommendation: Ignore Patients with Pain > 4

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ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has issued a new recommendation on the heels of March's "CDC Guideline for...
baby aspirin

FDA Reminder: Baby Aspirin Not Actually Meant for Babies

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SILVER SPRING, MD - Looking to clear things up to the confused American public, the Food & Drug Administration (FDA) has issued a reminder that...
MRI scanner claustrophobia

Cooped Up MRI Machine Requests Ativan for Claustrophobia

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LOS ANGELES, CA - An MRI scanner that has been cooped up in the radiology department at Olive View-UCLA Medical Center for the past...
emergency medicine physician

Breaking: Admitting Service Forgets to Ask ED Physician, “What Do You Expect Me to...

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JACKSON, MI – In a stunning display of forgetfulness, the admitting hospitalist at Mercy Hospital has forgotten to snarkily reply to an admission request...
appreciating appreciative appreciate

Wow, Hospitalist Appreciating the Hell Outta Everyone in Today’s Progress Note

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DURHAM, NC - In a particularly thankful mood today, hospitalist Poonam Trivedi has really gone all out, appreciating the hell out of everyone today in her progress...
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC: Inhale Lysol Before, After Every COVID-19 Encounter

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ATLANTA, GA - Based on recent review of the available evidence, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) strongly recommends inhaling Lysol before...
explosion

Clinic Nurse and Doctor Suffer Burnout, Spontaneously Combust

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MIAMI, FL - Staff at Miami Health Clinic are mourning the loss of two well-loved and respected colleagues, Nurse Michelle Boosh and Dr. George...

U.S. Women’s Relay Team Elects to Use Femur, Not Baton for Handoffs

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RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL - For this week's upcoming track and field event, the USA Track & Field Women's 4x100m Team has announced that it has...
Wonder Woman bracelets

Under Fire, Wonder Woman Uses Her Indestructible Bracelets to Deflect ER Admissions Left &...

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THEMYSCIRA - Wonder Woman has been under siege by emergency room personnel at Amazonian Medical Center, but doesn't seem fazed as her Bracelets of...

Surgeon General to Reverse Opioid Epidemic with Whopping Dose of Narcan

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Acting Surgeon General Sylvia Trent-Adams has unveiled a new strategy against the nation's opioid epidemic, and it simply involves giving the...