Friday, March 29, 2024

Hospitalists

New Medical Unit Quiet Hours Now From 3 PM to 2:59 PM

0
NASHVILLE, TN - In an effort to provide much needed peace and quiet for the medical staff, Unit 4G at Nashville Memorial Hospital has extended its quiet hours, which will now take...
routine blood work urine A-fib B-minus

Not Impressed: Cards Downgrades A-Fib to B-Minus

0
BIRMINGHAM, AL - Completely unimpressed by his patient's routine ECG this morning, cardiologist Paul Framingham has formally downgraded the diagnosis from an A-fib to B-minus.  "It's not that...
barium enema

Barium Enema Reveals Abnormal Presence of Barium in the Colon

0
NEW YORK, NY - An inpatient medical team was shocked to learn that a barium enema performed earlier today revealed an abnormal presence of barium in their patient's rectum, something no one...
G-tube G-spot

The Difference Between A G-Tube & The G-Spot

0
GomerBlog returns to help distinguish between two similar but often confused entities. The "G" in G-tube refers to "gastric" or "gastrostomy." A G-tube is a type of feeding...
arterial line circle of willis CPR emergency department butthurt audacity code shift change prior authorization otherwise stable

Breaking: CPR Requires Prior Authorization

0
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In breaking news that will infinitely complicate the already difficult process of attempting to resuscitate a patient, cardiopulmonary resuscitation (or CPR) will now require prior authorization. The prevailing reaction to this news...
colonoscopy

Breaking: Gastroenterologist Thinks Patient is Full of Sh*t

0
COOKEVILLE, TN - A local gastroenterologist by the name of Baxter Jones completely shocked patient Mason Watts and his family when he flat out told them that Watts was simply full of sh*t. "He told...
chest pain rule out toy elephant

Chest Pain Rule-Out: Patient with Stuffed Elephant Sitting on Chest

0
DANBURY, CT - A patient at Danbury Medical Center was admitted for chest pain rule out after he was complaining of a toy stuffed elephant sitting on his chest.
Amazon Echo

Cardiologist Extremely Disappointed by Amazon Echo

0
DALLAS, TX - Unable to visualize any cardiac images let alone make any useful observations about the human heart, a cardiologist at Baylor University Medical Center says he is extremely disappointed by...
arterial line circle of willis CPR emergency department butthurt audacity code shift change prior authorization otherwise stable

ICU Signout: ‘Codes Every Few Minutes, But Otherwise Stable’

0
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - During signout for the patient transferring out of the medical intensive care unit (MICU) today, third-year medical resident Louis Jenner said matter-of-factly to the hospitalist take over his...
acid-base disorders

Study Concludes That Anyone Who Understands Acid-Base is a Big, Fat Liar

0
BOSTON, MA - A landmark study in the latest issue of the Old England Journal of Medicine (OEJM) concluded "beyond a shadow of a doubt" that anyone who claims to understand acid-base...