Monday, May 6, 2024

Nursing Student

Nursing student satire

nurse stethoscope

Littmann to Produce Separate Doctor and Nurse Stethoscopes Thanks to ‘The View’

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NEW YORK, NY - "Why didn’t we think of that?" was the overwhelming question asked today by executives at Littmann, a company that produces stethoscopes, upon seeing a segment from The View.  During the...
Nursing Pages Per Shift

New Study: Physician Douche Level Correlates With Number Of Nursing Pages Per Shift

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HARTFORD, CT - A new study published in JAMA this week demonstrated a direct correlation between the physician douche level (PDL) and and the number of nursing pages per shift (PPS). The PDL was calculated from asking 7,528...
male patient asking for urinal

Healthy Ambulating Male Continues to Ask Nurses for Urinal

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ATTLEBORO, MA - A very upset Ronald Stern is suing Sturdy Memorial Hospital for the pain and suffering he experienced when his nurse asked him to empty his own urinal.  The 50-year-old Stern was...
nursing diagnosis

American Nurses Association Pulls the Plug on Nursing Diagnosis

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WASHINGTON, DC - After a close 38-to-35 vote, the leaders of the American Nurses Association (ANA) voted to eliminate the nursing diagnosis from nursing notes and electronic health records.  There will no longer be...
nurse olympics

Nurse Olympics: Results

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CHICAGO, IL – The host hospital of this year's Nurse Olympics, Chicago General, is now recovering after all the fanfare.  Nurses came from all over the U.S. and parts of Canada to compete in...
inpatient bed

Nurse Disappointed to Receive Patient on Broken Inpatient Bed

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CHICAGO, IL - RN Rebecca Stanton was in shock and disbelief today when she received a patient from the OR backwards, soiled, and in a broken inpatient bed. “Mr. Peters arrived from the OR to...
sponge bath

New Patient Satisfaction Initiative Mandates That All Patient Baths Have “Happy Ending”

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CARY, NC - In a bold and unprecedented move to increase patient satisfaction scores, administrators at Our Lady of Chronic Narcotic Dependence Hospital outside Raleigh now require nursing staff to provide a “happy ending”...
hospital administrators

Jealous of Nurses Week, Hospital Administrators Plan to Create Administrators Week

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ATLANTA, GA - Jealous of all the attention registered nurses (RNs) have received during Nurses Week, hospital administrators nationwide are hoping to create an Administrators Week to celebrate their contributions to healthcare.  Though hospital...
fast food

Nurses Supporting Fast Food Workers Wage Increase to $15/Hour, 93% of Nurses to Benefit

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SILVER SPRING, MD - The American Nurses Association (ANA) made a shocking announcement today: Over 93% of Nurses would benefit from a new proposal to increase the minimum wage of fast food employees to...
foley catheter

Clumsy Intern Keeps Tripping Over Patients’ Foley Catheters

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BOULDER, CO - Patients, nurses, and urologists at Boulder Medical Center are starting to lose patience with intern Willie Johnson, who despite being incredibly nice and very bright, just always seems to be tripping...