Placenta Throw to Replace Discus at Rio Olympics
RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL - The International Olympic Committee (IOC) has voted unanimously to replace Track & Field's Discus event with the Placenta Throw...
Pumpkin Wishing It Didn’t Turn Down the Gardasil Vaccine
PUMPKIN PATCH - Local pumpkin really wishing it didn't turn down a Gardasil shot this year. "I have all these bumps all over myself,"...
CDC: Stop Using Purulent Speculums as Tongue Depressors
ATLANTA, GA - Disturbed by a surge in case reports driven by medical providers who are either short on equipment or just extremely lazy,...
Royal Baby Born, London Mother Self-Delivers
LONDON, ENGLAND – With the entire world watching, the Royal Baby was born at 4:24 p.m., weighing 8 pounds, 6 ounces, APGARS 8 and 9,...
OB/GYN with Tiny Fingers Has Zero Idea What a Cervix Feels Like
TUCSON, AZ - A retiring obstetrician, who has requested to remain anonymous for this piece, recently issued a public statement of admission. Presumably to...
Hobby Lobby’s Pharmacies Continue to Sell Birth Control While Denying Workers Coverage
OKLAHOMA, OK - Hobby Lobby's pharmacies will continue to sell contraceptives after the company's recent Supreme Court victory. "The contraceptive business, I mean craft...
Mother of Local Teen Decides to Go For It: Make Physical Exam as Uncomfortable...
WESTCHESTER, NY - Local mother and divorcee Tiffany Smith accompanied her 18 year old daughter Kaycie Smith into the exam room, clinic staff confirmed....
Baby Finds His Umbilical Cord, Passes Out
UTERUS - Local uterine baby, Baby Dennis, told reporters yesterday he just found a long umbilical cord floating around his head.
"This long cord is just...
Attractive Medical Student Only Gets ‘High Pass’
PHILADELPHIA, PA - An attractive third-year medical student, Layla Maloney, is garnering much attention after receiving only a “high pass” in her Medicine clerkship. ...