Fertilized Hipster Egg Decides Uterus “Just Not My Style,” Moves to Abdomen
ABDOMEN, FEMALE PATIENT – Yesterday, a recently-fertilized hipster egg decided that the uterus "just wasn’t my style" and it squeaked out towards the abdomen to find a better...
Crayola Releases New Colors of Emergency Codes
EASTON, PA - In an effort to overhaul and better standardize emergency codes and make “Everything Imaginable” for health care providers, Crayola has announced...
So You’re Paged While in a Bouncy House, What to Do Next
There you are, jumping around happily in a bouncy house when the unthinkable happens: you get paged. Well, maybe not unthinkable since you are...
FDA Approves 55-Hour ENERGY for Incoming July Interns
WASHINGTON, DC - In a major win for soon-to-be-exhausted incoming July interns at residency programs across the land, the Food & Drug Administration (FDA) has...
Narconipple Implant Helps Add Opioids to Breastfeeding
SEATTLE, WA - Narconipple Inc. is pleased to introduce its revolutionary patented product, the Fentanypple. The Fentanypple is a narcotic breast implant that delivers...
OB/GYNs Clarify That Five-Second Rule Does Not Apply to Babies
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a statement released earlier this week by the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), the nation's leading obstetricians and...
Archeologists Discover Cave Drawings of Pitocin Infusion on Postpartum Woman
GIF KEBIR, LIBYA - Researchers from Indiana university announced an important finding in caves outside of Gif Kebir, Libya yesterday. According to an Indiana University...
Attractive Medical Student Only Gets ‘High Pass’
PHILADELPHIA, PA - An attractive third-year medical student, Layla Maloney, is garnering much attention after receiving only a “high pass” in her Medicine clerkship. ...
Beyoncé’s 3-Month Sonogram Reveals Twins Harmonizing In Womb
NEW YORK, NY - Speaking after a routine visit to the pop sensation's obstetrician, Beyoncé's agent confirmed to the press that the most recent...
Physicians Hold Drexit Vote, Doctors Exit Medicine
KANSAS CITY, KS - A large, synchronous exhale was heard this morning as the results of Drexit, or Doctors Exiting Medicine, came in. Millions of...