Saturday, February 6, 2021

If the Alcoholic Patient in Room 320 Soils His Sheets Again, Nurse Plans on...

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MIAMI, FL - Emily Jenkins, a medical ward nurse, plans on completely "losing it" if the alcoholic patient in room 320 soils his bed sheets again.  "I’ve had it!" she proclaimed.  "He is an ignorant,...

Intern Excited to Take Care of Cobra Kai, Because They Never Die

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SAN DIEGO, CA - Herb Swanson has started his internship year off on a bad foot.  "I had 3 patients die on me in July, not a good way to start my career." Dr. Swanson...

Newly Promoted General Surgeon’s Business Cards, A Little Too True

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LOS ANGELES, CA – UCLA’s newly promoted general surgeon, Assistant Professor William Heffner, just received his updated business cards today.  An unfortunate error in spacing caused much controversy.  Due to the lack of room...

Newly-Diagnosed One-Handed Man: Totally Worth it

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CUMMING, GA – Doctors on Saturday struggled to find out why patient Robert Shaffer lost his hand.  Dr. Virginia Sullivan, an intern on the team, told reporters: "We asked Robert what happened, but he...
medical residency

Maintenance of Certification Programs to Require Repeating Residency

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - If there ever was a solid example of mission creep, Maintenance of Certification (MOC) programs for physicians have set a new standard.  Overnight, all 24 medical specialties of the American Board of Medical...
PICU nurse

PICU Nurse Enjoys Changing Patient Parameters and Drips Right Before Interns Present Patients on...

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SEATTLE, WA - In an exclusive interview with Nursing magazine, Martha Stevens, a prominent pediatric intensive care unit (PICU) nurse at Children’s Hospital admitted that she loves to mess with new medical interns, especially ones she...
printer

ACGME to Drop Boards Testing in Favor of NFL-esque Skills Combine

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WASHINGTON, DC - The ACGME made a ground-breaking decision last week to stop their decades long practice of medical boards testing.  Instead, all 4th-year medical students and 2nd-year residents will gather for a skills combine to...
remote village

Impoverished Village Featured in its 500th Medical School Admission Essay

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MKUYUNI, MWANZA REGION, TANZANIA - A rural Tanzanian village is celebrating a major milestone today: being featured in its 500th medical school admission essay. The village, with its picturesque tin-roofed hovels and lack of piped water, reflected...

Spouse of Surgical Resident Charged with Polygamy

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YONKERS, NY - 27-year-old Emily Follingsworth was charged with polygamy yesterday in Yonkers, NY, days after her second wedding.  Follingsworth, a spouse of a fifth-year neurosurgical resident, could not believe what she had done. “I had completely...