News in Brief: Medication IV Pump Coincidentally Runs Out at Change of Shift
DALLAS, TX – Nurses on Mercy Hospital’s floor 4, med-surg unit, are perplexed. "The Alaris pumps seem to always run out 20 minutes after change of shift," charge nurse Nancy Lungrum told reporters. Nobody...
News in Brief: Life Expectancy for Douchebags Climbing Thanks to E-cigarettes
ATLANTA, GA - Although they are a relatively new phenomenon, electronic cigarettes are a slightly healthier alternative to traditional combustible and inhaled tobacco products. Particularly eye-opening is a new study from the American Cancer...
Medical Referral Placed to Bronies Facebook Group for Second Opinion
HOUSTON, TX - 48-year-old Mark Wilkersten has been battling with bilateral knee pain for several years now. After seeing his primary care doctor for chronic knee pain last week, he elected to take a...
Protamine Shortage Amid Strike at Salmon Sperm Acquisition Factory
DALLAS, TX - Add another to the list: protamine. This antidote to heparin is on national shortage and warnings are being issued to hospitals nationwide.
Protamine comes from the sperm of salmon. At the largest...
Top 10 Ways to Really Piss Your Nurse Off
Ever wonder how you can really piss off your nurse taking care of you in the hospital? If you are like most of us, the answer is probably a resounding YES. The problem is...
Local Mom Meets Fellow Anti-Vaxxer at Botox Clinic
CHARLOTTE, NC - Charlotte mom Sarah Catherine Murdoch, 34, was delighted to make a new friend after striking up a conversation with another patron at an area Botox clinic last week. She found 35-year-old Madeline...
This Day in Medical History: Patient Bled to Death When Only a 3 x...
THIS DAY IN MEDICAL HISTORY, 1917 - Patient Joseph Hails suffered from a wound that was exactly 4 inches by 4 inches. His injury wasn’t unique, in fact many teenagers were "clubbing" at that time. Clubbing...
National Healthcare Crisis Solved in Blog Comment Section
MADISON, WI - In a lesser-known EM Physician’s blog, found buried in the comment section, contains the solution to our nation’s healthcare crisis. After the commentator’s rant to a previous comment on how she...
Sexy Ebola Nurses Released from 45-Day Quarantine
MOBRIDGE, SD - The nation breathed a sigh of relief today as hordes of sexy Ebola nurses were released from the place of quarantine in Mobridge. These nurses were placed in isolation after being...