Friday, March 29, 2024

Anesthesiology

Five-Second Rule Validated in the Operating Room

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CHICAGO, IL - In a paradigm shift for the operating room, a new study has found that reusing instruments dropped on the operating room floor does not increase the incidence of post-operative infections, so...
lawyer up

Revised ASA Classification Tells You When to Lawyer Up

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  An expert panel comprised of ambulance chasing, blood sucking lawyers and that one snotty dude from med school published a revised ASA physical status classification this afternoon to reflect the increasingly litigious landscape of...
epidural middle economy Trendelenburg

United Airlines Introduces Seats That Go Into Trendelenburg

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CHICAGO, IL - Seeking new ways to remain controversial and constantly in the news, United Airlines has announced it is has replaced passenger seats with brand new seats that go all the way into...
crossword puzzle shortage

Crossword Puzzle Shortage Has Nation’s Anesthesiologists in a Panic

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SCHAUMBURG, IL - Sound the alarm bells: A nationwide crossword puzzle shortage has anesthesiologists from coast to coast in a panic, putting the livelihood of an entire subspecialty in jeopardy. "Anesthesia hasn't seen a crisis this...

Breaking: VA Pick Ronny Jackson Withdraws from Both Nomination, Opioids

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Citing the "baseless and anonymous attacks on my character" as well as intractable abdominal cramps, lacrimation, and rhinorrhea, White House physician Rear Admiral Ronny Jackson has announced he is withdrawing from both...
sh*tty consult

A Practical Guide to Intravenous Line Insertion for Interns by a Cynical Resident Post...

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1. Decide if you really need the line. You can use this simple test. Approach your senior doctor and say, “The patient has really tough veins… I don't know if I can do it.”...
drape first class coach

Unable to Resist, Anesthesia Places Drape Between First Class, Coach

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DELTA 2350 - Unable to resist the temptation any longer, passenger and anesthesiologist Ryan Grossman delved into his carry-on bag, took out a freshly-pressed drape, and proceeded to place it between first class and...
United Airlines endotracheal tube

United Airlines Replaces Oxygen Masks with Endotracheal Tubes

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CHICAGO, IL - No stranger to controversy, United Airlines has thrown itself into the headlines once again by announcing that it will be replacing oxygen masks in the panels above passengers' seats with endotracheal...
Judas blames Anesthesia

Judas Blames Betrayal of Jesus on Anesthesia

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JERUSALEM - Judas Iscariot, who notoriously betrayed Jesus for thirty pieces of silver, has absolved himself from one of the darkest moments in the Bible by doing the right thing this Good Friday and blaming it...
new medical app

Anesthesiologist Proposes Use of Metric Time

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HOUSTON, TX - Dr. Alan Payne, an anesthesiologist and physicist, proposes the use of metric time for determining surgical time duration. “How many times at your facility have you ask your surgeon for a time...