ER Places Bowl Full of Percocet in Waiting Room, Lowers Visits
HANOVER, NJ – Local emergency medicine physicians have developed a groundbreaking way to reduce the number of patients they will see during a shift. The new policy mimics a common Halloween tradition: leave a bowl...
ICU Transfer Arrives with Hospital Summary on a Napkin
SALT LAKE CITY, UT - An 83-year-old man was transferred to the University Hospital Critical Care Unit from an outside hospital on Tuesday, with a small napkin describing relevant aspects of his 14-day course.
The ICU...
ER Hires ‘Dilaudid Nazi’ to Dispense (or Not) Dispense Opioids
ATLANTA, GA - The famous "Soup Nazi" from Seinfeld has been hired by Memorial Hospital’s ER to dispense or not dispense opioids to patients checking in through triage.
Just as in his restaurant, a single file...
Man ‘Accidentally Falls’ on Gerbil That Ran Through Lube
MEMPHIS, TN – A local resident presented to the emergency room with an unusual complaint this evening. Chief complaint: "My bottom really hurts."
At first he was reluctant to say anything. "He told me his bottom hurt,"...
After 9 Head Trauma Calls, The Doctor is ‘Furious’
BATTLE CREEK, MI – Family doctor, William Turncoat, was visibly upset after slamming the phone down. "That’s the ninth time today I’ve told her… I tell her same thing every time. You’d think after the second...
Emergency Departments Implement New Triage Form to Screen Patients for Actual Disease
NEW YORK, NY - Myocardial infarction, subarachnoid hemorrhage, sepsis, diabetic ketoacidosis: these are examples of what the medical community regards as "real diseases." Unfortunately, our nation's emergency department doctors and nurses are plagued with...
Joint Commission is Coming: Hospital to Change Everything for Three Days Then Revert to...
EVERY HOSPITAL, USA - Hospital administrators have finally cracked the secret to passing the highly-dreaded Joint Commission inspections. For decades, the Joint Commission (JC) or previously called JACHO, but don't EVER call them that now...
Man in US Furious About Waiting 15 minutes in ER; Meanwhile Patient in South...
DENVER, CO – 46-year-old Marcus Stillbee is furious after waiting for 15 minutes to be seen at the local Quicky Care Medical Center ER in Denver yesterday. Mr. Stillbee injured his ankle during an intense...
Shark Attack Victim Denied Narcotics
PENSACOLA BEACH, FL - Skip Sanders alternated between spearfishing and surfing, depending on the waves. Yesterday, an errant harpoon from his spear gun grazed a bull shark.
Chomping ensued.
Despite the loss of all four limbs, Skip managed...
Antibiotic Cures Common Cold Virus
PHOENIX, AZ - Doctors in Arizona have discovered a revolutionary cure to the common cold. On October 1, John Sniffles entered the emergency department at Valley Hospital. After a seven-hour wait, he was seen by...
