Emergency Medicine

common cold

Antibiotic Cures Common Cold Virus

40
PHOENIX, AZ - Doctors in Arizona have discovered a revolutionary cure to the common cold.  On October 1, John Sniffles entered the emergency department at...
dilaudid gastroparesis

Drug Seeker Fills Entire Emesis Bucket with Noise Before Receiving Dilaudid

104
DAYTONA BEACH, FL - Deborah Samson, a 47-year-old non-diabetic drug seeker with a terrible but mysterious case of opioid-induced abdominal pain, was forced last week...

Hospitals Now Joining Black Friday Frenzy

5
NEW YORK, NY - Black Friday is hitting America very soon.  Stores are now opening their doors almost immediately after millions of Americans finish off eating...
dyspnea

FDA Approves FUROSESONEROLAQUINOX for Undifferentiated Dyspnea

28
WASHINGTON, D.C. - To the delight of emergency physicians across the country, the Food and Drug Administration has approved the use of a new drug...

Super Mario in Critical Condition, Mistakes Deadly Amanita for 1-Up Mushroom

3
WORLD 7-2, MUSHROOM KINGDOM - Beloved Italian hero and plumber Super Mario is currently in critical condition at an area World 7-2 hospital after he...
Helps Makes Life Clearer

Doctor Actually Thinks He Is Saving Lives

0
WORCESTER, MA - Dr. Danny Trenda, a recent Tufts University Medical School graduate, told friends at Tony’s Tavern that he was saving lives.  His friends,...
Methadone drone

Pain Clinic Unveils New ‘Methadrone’ Delivery

6
TALLAHASSEE, FL - A new cutting-edge system for delivery of maintenance narcotics was unveiled in the Florida panhandle last month, as Our Lady of the Weeping...
navy ship

Newly’Appointed ‘Ebola Czar’ Quarantines Entire Navy After Learning Ebola Can Be Transmitted by Semen

24
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a bold first move since his recent appointment by President Obama as “Ebola Czar,” Ron Klain will quarantine the entire U.S....
happy hour for health care workers

Hospital Enacts New Mandatory Happy Hour for Employees

19
BOSTON, MA - "Go figure out the best way to improve patient safety and medical care at our hospital," was the charge that CEO of...
emergency department

Emergency Department to Stock Emergency Cyanide Kits for Staff Use

24
ROANOKE, VA - Hospital administration at Our Lady of the Chronic Abdominal Migraines Hospital in Roanoke has agreed to staff requests for emergency cyanide...