Wednesday, June 16, 2021

Emergency Medicine


FDA Approves FUROSESONEROLAQUINOX for Undifferentiated Dyspnea

WASHINGTON, D.C. - To the delight of emergency physicians across the country, the Food and Drug Administration has approved the use of a new drug which combines 5 commonly-used medications to treat acute dyspnea. FUROSESONEROLAQUINOX™ combines...

Super Mario in Critical Condition, Mistakes Deadly Amanita for 1-Up Mushroom

WORLD 7-2, MUSHROOM KINGDOM - Beloved Italian hero and plumber Super Mario is currently in critical condition at an area World 7-2 hospital after he mistakenly consumed a deadly Amanita mushroom during a routine quest...
Helps Makes Life Clearer

Doctor Actually Thinks He Is Saving Lives

WORCESTER, MA - Dr. Danny Trenda, a recent Tufts University Medical School graduate, told friends at Tony’s Tavern that he was saving lives.  His friends, unimpressed, ordered another round.  Dr. Trenda went on to talk...
Methadone drone

Pain Clinic Unveils New ‘Methadrone’ Delivery

TALLAHASSEE, FL - A new cutting-edge system for delivery of maintenance narcotics was unveiled in the Florida panhandle last month, as Our Lady of the Weeping Buttock Abscess Hospital (OLWBAH) in Tallahassee introduced a drug delivery...
navy ship

Newly’Appointed ‘Ebola Czar’ Quarantines Entire Navy After Learning Ebola Can Be Transmitted by Semen

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a bold first move since his recent appointment by President Obama as “Ebola Czar,” Ron Klain will quarantine the entire U.S. Navy after learning that the virus is readily carried in...
happy hour for health care workers

Hospital Enacts New Mandatory Happy Hour for Employees

BOSTON, MA - "Go figure out the best way to improve patient safety and medical care at our hospital," was the charge that CEO of Memorial Hospital, Dr. Gina Stockdale, posed to her panel members....
emergency department

Emergency Department to Stock Emergency Cyanide Kits for Staff Use

ROANOKE, VA - Hospital administration at Our Lady of the Chronic Abdominal Migraines Hospital in Roanoke has agreed to staff requests for emergency cyanide kits to be stocked in the Emergency Department Pyxis machine. Each kit contains...

Tim Howard Hired by Hospitalist Group, Blocks 16 Admissions

NORTH BRUNSWICK TOWNSHIP, NJ - Following an epic goalkeeping performance during a 2-1 defeat to Belgium, United States goalkeeper Tim Howard was soon hired by a hospitalist group in his home state of New Jersey...
BS in the ED

The Surviving BS Campaign: Early Detection of BS in the ED

ST. LOUIS, MO - A groundbreaking new multicenter study shows that early detection of BS in the ED leads to significant overall improvement in patient mortality, as well as improvement of ED physician and nursing...
dog vet clinic

Area Dog Vomits, Directed to Human ER by Veterinary Clinic on Friday Afternoon

FAIRFAX, VA - Rusty, a local 4-year-old labrador retriever who had a few episodes of vomiting, was sent to the emergency department last Friday afternoon by his primary veterinary provider (PVP) after his owner...