Monday, May 10, 2021

Emergency Medicine

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ED Study Reveals Spectacular Patient Selfishness

According to a riveting new study delving into the mindset of emergency department patients, as many as 97% of patrons are almost completely unaware of any other patients in the department. Dr. Hans Albright, an...

Patient Suffers “Partial” Cardiac Arrest

BOSTON, MA—After years of seeing patients who were reported in the news media to have been found in “full cardiac arrest,” emergency physicians at Doctors University Hospital are stunned to see the first ever...
chest pain

No Matter the Symptom, Local Cardiologist Pretty Convinced It’s an Anginal Equivalent

ATLANTA, GA - No matter the symptom, no matter the severity, and no matter the location, onset, or duration, local cardiologist Willie McCray is pretty convinced that your complaint, whatever and wherever it may...

Surgeon Rips on Nurses, Hospitalists, and ER Docs, and Twitter Delivers a Massive Takedown

TWITTERVERSE - A colorectal surgeon posted a rant about the care he received in an odd location "Psychology Today." The rant, which since has been taken down, ripped on everyone he came in contact...

Physicians Hold Drexit Vote, Doctors Exit Medicine

KANSAS CITY, KS - A large, synchronous exhale was heard this morning as the results of Drexit, or Doctors Exiting Medicine, came in.  Millions of doctors around the country voted to leave medicine this Saturday....
mrsa spider

Devious MRSA Spider Bites Yet Another Antecubital Fossa, Remains at Large

GASTONIA, NC - Following an all-too-familiar recent theme, a new patient was assaulted last week by a psychotic spider rampaging through the South. Earl Wayne Thompson, 31, presented to Our Lady of Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy...

ER Hires ‘Dilaudid Nazi’ to Dispense (or Not) Dispense Opioids

ATLANTA, GA - The famous "Soup Nazi" from Seinfeld has been hired by Memorial Hospital’s ER to dispense or not dispense opioids to patients checking in through triage. Just as in his restaurant, a single file...
doctor calling consult

Area Doctor Now Apologizes Before Every Consult

MARKERSBURG, TN - Dr. Lois Siento thinks she has the key to improving relationships between primary teams and consultants. "It's simple," she explains. "We give consultant business. Consultants like to get cases from us that...

Hospital Wristband Finally Identify ‘Pain in the A**’ Patients

SILICON VALLEY, CA – Following failed internal quality improvement efforts targeting drug-seeking patients, one California hospital took on a new tactic for difficult-to-deal-with patients. Like every other hospitalized patient who needs additional hospital wristband identification...

New Program Teaches Patients to Drug-Seek More Cost-Effectively

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) under a new Congressional mandate to design programs to cut costs and reduce patient harm, has initiated a nationwide outreach program to radically...