Breaking: U.S. Economy Crashes, Transferred to ICU
NEW YORK, NY - Gomerblog has learned that the U.S. economy is crashing and is no longer stable for the medical floor. It has been transferred to the medical intensive care unit (MICU) for...
U.S. on COVID-19: “Help Me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, You’re My Only Hope”
TATOOINE - While cleaning his new R2-D2 droid after purchasing them from the Jawas, Luke Skywalker accidentally triggered a holographic recording of a desperate United States of America pleading "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're...
Breaking: CPR Requires Prior Authorization
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In breaking news that will infinitely complicate the already difficult process of attempting to resuscitate a patient, cardiopulmonary resuscitation (or CPR) will now require prior authorization.
The prevailing reaction to this news...
Health Care Providers Hail the Launch of the New “Patient Complaint Line”
Following in the pattern of patient satisfaction scores, Dreamland General Hospital has initiated a new "Patient Complaint Line." When a patient has acted in a manner that providers feel is inappropriate, providers, nurses, techs...
Med Student Avoids Pelvic Exam for Record 1,429th Straight Day
KANSAS CITY, MO - Fourth-year medical student Rick Hansen ain't no dummy. He even says it himself: "I ain't no dummy." Like most medical students, Hansen dreads performing the pelvic exam. As he nears...
Breaking Bricks No More: Mario Shatters All 27 Bones in Left Hand
WORLD 3-2 - It looks like the cumulative lifetime effect of punching bricks has finally caught up to our favorite plumber: In an attempt to find 1-Up mushrooms and bank some extra lives, Super...
Patient’s Reflexes Documented in Medical Record, Perplexed Medical Student Didn’t See Examination
DENVER, CO – Third-year medical student, Samantha Mullerton, is rotating through the Memorial Hospital emergency room as part of her clinical rotations. She recently called GomerBlog in regards to a developing story regarding an attending...
Patient Admitted to Psych with March Madness
HOUSTON, TX - In breaking news, GomerBlog has learned 28-year-old James Winthrop will be admitted to Psychiatry for March Madness. He presented to the ER at NRG Medical Center last night with altered mental...
Local Drug Seeker Discovers That 8/10 Pain Gets The Same Amount of Pain Meds...
Long-time drug seeker, Kyle Smith, recently discovered that stating his pain is 8/10 instead of the typical 12/10 gets him the same amount of pain medication.
"I always thought having more pain than you could...
Hospital Workers Can’t Think of Any Other Place They’d Rather Be on Thanksgiving Day
EVERY HOSPITAL, USA - Hospital workers eagerly awoke this morning, ready and energized to take on another thrilling work day at their local hospitals. The fact that today is Thanksgiving had no effect on most people's baseline excitement to get up and...