Emergency Medicine

CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

New CDC Recommendation: Ignore Patients with Pain > 4

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ATLANTA, GA - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has issued a new recommendation on the heels of March's "CDC Guideline for...

High Patient Satisfaction Scores, Key Elements for Success

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Over 23,000 hospital patients were polled to help determine what factors are considered important for patients when it comes to their satisfaction at hospitals.  Knowing...

ER Hires ‘Dilaudid Nazi’ to Dispense (or Not) Dispense Opioids

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ATLANTA, GA - The famous "Soup Nazi" from Seinfeld has been hired by Memorial Hospital’s ER to dispense or not dispense opioids to patients checking...
minding business

Public Health Concern: ‘Stop Minding Your Own Business’

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a press conference today the CDC announced that there is a resurgence in a seemingly incurable public health concern that...

Surgeon General to Reverse Opioid Epidemic with Whopping Dose of Narcan

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Acting Surgeon General Sylvia Trent-Adams has unveiled a new strategy against the nation's opioid epidemic, and it simply involves giving the...

Scrub Machine Programmed to ‘Mess with Staff’

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CHICAGO, IL - Recent discoveries in computer programming have allowed programers of Dameda Scrub Machines to program a very interesting feature: the scrub machine...
hospital specials

Emergency Department Offers Daily Specials: Revenue Skyrocketing

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RALEIGH, NC - The competitive and creative business of healthcare and medical treatment has suffered in the US due to the unsustainable and skyrocketing...
doctor patient

Breaking: Patient States His Medical History Should “All be in the Computer”

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CHARLESTON, SC - Breaking News emerged today out of South Carolina’s Emergency Department of Save Us All Memorial Hospital (SUAMH). A 57-year-old patient arrived...
U.S. economy crashes ICU

Breaking: U.S. Economy Crashes, Transferred to ICU

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NEW YORK, NY - Gomerblog has learned that the U.S. economy is crashing and is no longer stable for the medical floor.  It has...
upset EM doctor

Emergency Doctor Censured for Focusing on Patients’ Presenting Problems

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CHICAGO, IL – Dr. Fred Dulant, medical director for Giant Itsabusiness Healthcare, today announced a three-day suspension issued to recently-hired emergency medicine (EM) doctor...