Alcoholic Fills Out Negative Patient Survey for Care Received on Christmas Morning
NEW ORLEANS, LA - 52-year-old Milton Applewood, a raging alcoholic who visits Holy Cross Hospital on a weekly basis, was appalled at the medical care he received on Christmas morning.
“Absolutely trashed,” proclaimed Applewood in...
Local EKG Tech Reassigned Due to Voluptuous Breasts
MIAMI, FL – EKG tech Candi Jacobs has been working at Mercy Hospital for two years. She was recently reassigned; hospital administration stated the reason as "voluptuous breasts."
Ms. Jacobs and her scrub puppies were...
These Two Dudes Caught, Reign of Terror Over
ST. LOUIS, MO – America’s most popular unsolved mystery, the mystery case of two individuals who team up to shoot, beat, and steal from many innocent Americans, has been solved. These two criminals only known...
Hospitals Now Joining Black Friday Frenzy
NEW YORK, NY - Black Friday is hitting America very soon. Stores are now opening their doors almost immediately after millions of Americans finish off eating their pies on Thanksgiving Day where only the chosen are able...
Hospital Workers Can’t Think of Any Other Place They’d Rather Be on Thanksgiving Day
EVERY HOSPITAL, USA - Hospital workers eagerly awoke this morning, ready and energized to take on another thrilling work day at their local hospitals. The fact that today is Thanksgiving had no effect on most people's baseline excitement to get up and...
Local Paramedic Looking Forward to Saving Patient’s Life and Getting No Credit Once Again
NASHVILLE, TN - 26-year-old paramedic Josh Langhorn is looking forward to his upcoming Friday night shift. One of the highlights of Josh's shift involves performing life-saving procedures in austere and dynamic environments and racing the patient to the hospital...
Local Doctors Refuse to Take Care of Nickelback, Cite Do No Harm
DETROIT, MI - On Saturday at 3:14 p.m., Nickelback’s tour bus crashed into a herd of rouge elephants that had escaped from the now abandoned Detroit City Zoo. All four members were brought to a local ER. Their...
Medical Student in Library Mistaken for Homeless Man
WORCESTER, MA – Local medical student Jeremy Wynn was escorted out of his medical school library this Saturday by police with the official police reports stating that he was "mistakenly thought to be a homeless man."
Jeremy was...
Dilaumed: Look-Alike Sound-Alike Medication Praised by ER Physicians and Nurses Everywhere
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – A new medication that has been deliberately named to be a classic look-alike sound-alike drug, has been welcomed with arms wide open among emergency medicine physicians and nurses.
"We typically have to...
Residents No Longer Matched According to Last Name/Specialty Pun
The National Residency Match Program (NRMP) is planning a small update in their mystical computer algorithms which will erase one of US healthcare's greatest shames: the last-name/specialty pun.
"Dr. Payne the anesthesiologist. Dr. Miner the...