Hospital Enacts New Mandatory Happy Hour for Employees
BOSTON, MA - "Go figure out the best way to improve patient safety and medical care at our hospital," was the charge that CEO of Memorial Hospital, Dr. Gina Stockdale, posed to her panel members....
Pain Detector Gives Actual Pain Score
JERSEY CITY, NJ - A great new invention coined PAIN, short for Pain Acquiring Instrument Neat-O, is starting to be utilized in ERs across the east coast after a recent FDA approval. Typically when a...
FDA Bans Any Narcotic with the Letter ‘D’ In It
ATLANTA, GA - The Food & Drug Administration (FDA) finally came to its senses today by agreeing to ban any narcotic that contains the letter D or a vowel in it. The long-awaited ban,...
Genuine ‘Slipped and Fell’ Rectal Foreign Body Victim Stuns Experts
RICHMOND, VA - In what is thought to be a world's first, witnesses have confirmed that a young Virginian man genuinely slipped and fell in his garden this week, entrapping an eggplant in his...
Scrub Machine Programmed to ‘Mess with Staff’
CHICAGO, IL - Recent discoveries in computer programming have allowed programers of Dameda Scrub Machines to program a very interesting feature: the scrub machine can sense "how busy or lost" a person looks when...
Local Paramedic Looking Forward to Saving Patient’s Life and Getting No Credit Once Again
NASHVILLE, TN - 26-year-old paramedic Josh Langhorn is looking forward to his upcoming Friday night shift. One of the highlights of Josh's shift involves performing life-saving procedures in austere and dynamic environments and racing the patient to the hospital...
After 9 Head Trauma Calls, The Doctor is ‘Furious’
BATTLE CREEK, MI – Family doctor, William Turncoat, was visibly upset after slamming the phone down. "That’s the ninth time today I’ve told her… I tell her same thing every time. You’d think after the second...
July Interns Play Crucial Role During Cardiac Arrest by Whimpering, Sucking Own Thumb
ROCKFORD, IL - Fresh-faced July intern Becky Anderson proved to be the most crucial health care provider present during a cardiopulmonary arrest called at approximately 8 PM last night on one of the floors...
Local Man with Chest Pain Takes Care of Stuff First
CLEVELAND, OH – Don Hetfield came into St. Joe’s emergency room on Friday with chest pain, arm pain, and “I just can’t stop sweating.” When the EKG tech obtained the print out, she rushed it...
