Surgeon General Admits: Condoms ‘Kinda Suck’
WASHINGTON, DC - During a press conference yesterday, Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy admitted that, although very important, condoms do in fact “kinda suck.”
The...
Fitbit Releases Sh*tbit, The Revolutionary New Bowel Movement Tracker
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Fitbit has released a revolutionary wireless-enabled wearable technology to help people measure data as related to the business of doing...
Milk Fat Prolongs Survival of Government Dietary Recommendations
With the recent release from NSA data-mining archives proving that whole milk is indeed better than skim milk for cardiovascular health, dieticians throughout the...
Non-Confrontational Physician Reassures Patient That the Trichomonas Was Probably Just from a Toilet Seat
Not all physicians are great at breaking bad news. One perpetual waffler, Dr. Drew Stapleman, recently reassured his patient that the trichomonads infesting her...
Clinic Handing Out Free Organ Samples
OXFORD, MS - Remember the good old days when you could get free drug samples from your doctor? Well, clinicians at Mississippi Health do. ...
Overnight News: Nation Has 107 Point Average Rise in Blood Sugars After Halloween
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, reported that the nation’s average blood glucose level rose over 107 points per human last...
Patient Surprised to Learn Zombie Doctor Not in Costume
HOLTON, KS - An area woman, recently treated in a rural Kansas emergency room on Halloween was surprised to learn that her zombie doctor...
Nurses Fired Over Grim Reaper Halloween Costumes
HOUSTON, TX - Two Nurses were relieved of duty on Friday at Good Samaritan Mercy Hospital for dressing up as The Grim Reaper during...
Hillary Clinton Blames Benghazi on Anesthesia
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Last week former Secretary of State and self-presumed next president Hillary Clinton, testified before Congress about the Benghazi Tragedy in 2012....
Twitter Unveils New Electronic Medical Record, Tweet-MR
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Twitter announced today that it would enter the business of electronic medical records, or EMRs. Twitter CEO and founder Jack...