Thursday, March 28, 2024

Full Articles

Our cutting edge in-depth reporting, giving you the stories you deserve!

crying infant

Crying Baby Really Trying to Say ‘I Hate You!’

4
NEW HAVEN, CT – A new study just published in Pediatrics this month demonstrated that countless parent’s suspicions and anxieties were absolutely correct: When infants cry, they really are trying to say, "I hate you!" The randomized double-blinded...

ER Visits Down 72% When it Rains, Trial to Focus on Healing Power of...

8
NEW ORLEANS, LA – A multicenter observational study last year reviewed millions of ER visits and found that ER visits are down 72% when it rains.  The current hypothesis is that rain either has a healing effect...

Patient with High Pain Tolerance, Surprisingly… In Pain

12
LANCASTER, IL – Local resident, Shirley Homes, came to St. Joe’s Emergency Room with a shocking complaint: she was in pain.  This emergency pain occurring to Ms. Homes has been reoccurring for the past...

Fertilized Hipster Egg Decides Uterus “Just Not My Style,” Moves to Abdomen

5
ABDOMEN, FEMALE PATIENT – Yesterday, a recently-fertilized hipster egg decided that the uterus "just wasn’t my style" and it squeaked out towards the abdomen to find a better place to settle down. "Yeah, the uterus is just so cliché,...

Man ‘Accidentally Falls’ on Gerbil That Ran Through Lube

4
MEMPHIS, TN – A local resident presented to the emergency room with an unusual complaint this evening.  Chief complaint: "My bottom really hurts." At first he was reluctant to say anything.  "He told me his bottom hurt,"...

Bob Costas’ Eye Infection Starting to Get Infected

2
SOCHI, RUSSIA – Famous sports anchor Bob Costas has been plagued by a recent eye infection.  The infection started in his left eye and has moved over to his right eye.  This frustrating infection has...
empathy medical robot

Hospital to Employ Empathy Robots to Allow Nurses and Doctors to Chart

10
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Tired of being treated like a number at big hospitals?  Mercy Hospital in San Francisco wants to change that and they think they have the answer.  “Here at Mercy Hospital, we...

Brave Campaign Bars Zombies from the ICU

0
PARMA, OH - It all started when an episode of AMC's The Walking Dead played on the TV in the ICU family lounge.  Within minutes, patient family members with power of attorney rights signed hospice and...
Olympics

STDs Running Rampant in Sochi Olympic Village

1
SOCHI, RUSSIA – Apparently what happens in Sochi doesn’t always stay there.  Olympic athletes have been going at it strong and GomerBlog is sad to report that there are now numerous outbreaks of sexually...

Ask a Surgical Intern, Part 2

1
He's back!  The Surgical Intern is answering the mailbag once more.  Let's begin! Dear Surgical Intern, I've been having this kind of crampy pain on my right side under my ribcage.  It only comes around...