CDC Offers to Make Thousands of Flawed Ventilators
ATLANTA, GA - To atone for the release of flawed testing kits for the detection of novel coronavirus, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has offered to make tens of...
COVID-19 Breakthrough: Redeployed Da Vinci Can Swab One Patient Per Day
BOSTON, MA - In what is already considered the biggest breakthrough against COVID-19 in the United States, surgeons report that Da Vinci robots have been redeployed and will be able to swab...
Tom Brady Trademarks “TB x TB x TB”
TAMPA BAY, FL - Immediately after signing a 2-year deal worth $50 million with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 6-time Super Bowl champion quarterback Tom Brady successfully trademarked "TB x TB x TB"...
Joint Commission Riding Out COVID-19 Outbreak With Heads in Sand
OAKBROOK TERRACE, IL – In the ongoing fight against the novel coronavirus, healthcare workers across the country have been resorting to all sorts of innovative methods in the pursuit of helping the most...
WHO: Coronavirus Successfully Contained to Planet Earth
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND - At a televised press conference this morning, the World Health Organization (WHO) announced that they have successfully contained the deadly virus that causes COVID-19 to Earth. Although it can be found...
COVID-19: Thankful On-Call ID Doc Paged Only 43,589 Times Today
BOSTON, MA - Despite America coming to a screeching halt at the hands of a pandemic caused by novel coronavirus COVID-19, a very thankful infectious diseases physician/epidemiologist who is on call at...
“Hands Across the Globe” Fundraiser Aims to Stop Spread of Coronavirus
WUHAN, CHINA—The 1980s’ supergroup USA for Africa, known mostly for its hunger-awareness-raising “We Are the World” tune and “Hands Across America” event, announced yesterday that it was reuniting to organize a new charity campaign....
Intergalactic Health Council Recommends Galaxies Stay at Least 6 Million Light-Years Apart
THE GALAXY OF ANDROMEDA - The nearby galaxy of Andromeda has been watching with bated breath as novel coronavirus rapidly spreads around planet Earth. No longer feeling safe at a distance...
Nation Gives Fauci Permission to Take 15-Minute Power Nap
UNITED STATES - American citizens have given Dr. Anthony Fauci, the Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, permission to sneak in a 15-minute power nap, believing he has...
CDC: Coronavirus Vaccine Will Be Ready for Refusal By Anti-Vaxxers By 2021
ATLANTA, GA - Officials at the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) announced today that they believe the new vaccine currently under development aimed at controlling the rapidly spreading SARS-CoV-2 virus - responsible...
