Monday, July 13, 2020

Infectious Disease

Colossal coronavirus about to devour New York City

NEW YORK, NY - Currently billions and billions of virus-sized Godzillas are wreaking havoc on New York. The coronavirus is speading like wildfire. Now a large ominous...

CDC: Test Kits Are Low, Critically Ill & Famous People Only

ATLANTA, GA - The CDC released new guidelines today to to help ration COVID-19 testing kits. They now ask to refrain from testing for the novel coronavirus, or COVID-19, unless you are...

Easter Bunny Tests Positive for Coronavirus

BUNNY LANE - So much for getting the United States up and running by April 12: our beloved Easter Bunny has contracted coronavirus, Gomerblog is sad to report.
CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

COVID-19: CDC Recommends Not Listening to CDC Recommendations

ATLANTA, GA - After receiving harsh criticism for its recommendation to resort to scarves and bandanas when facemasks are no longer available, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) no longer...

CDC decides to put all of New York on a ventilator

NYC, New York - The recent coronavirus outbreak has devastated New York City to say the least. Their infection rate almost out numbers the rest of the...

Breaking: Earth’s Inner Core Tests Positive for Coronavirus

LONDON, ENGLAND - Earth's inner core has tested positive for the novel coronavirus, Gomerblog reports. This is grave news for those holding hope that coronavirus is seasonal considering temperatures...

Dr. Fauci Implores We All Watch Bob Ross on Infinite Loop Immediately

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Addressing a restless and concerned American public over COVID-19, Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID), recommends we all start watching Bob...

BREAKING: New York City Resident Tests Negative for COVID-19

“I’ve run 753 tests for COVID-10 this week alone and this man’s test was the first negative I’ve seen. I was nearly certain that everyone in Manhattan had Coronavirus.” Dr. Corbin explained.

Primary Care Docs Happily Handing Out Z-Pak Prescriptions to Coronavirus Patient

CHICAGO, IL—Citing decades’ worth of experience using the drug to treat all types of viral respiratory infections, the nation’s primary care physicians (PCPs) are leading the charge against the novel coronavirus by turning to...

COVID-19 Study: Bandanas Superior to N95s, Surgical Masks for PPE

BOSTON, MA - Good news, healthcare workers: A study published in the New England Journal of PPE has found that bandanas are superior to both N95 respirators and surgical masks as personal...