Roger the Resident in Tears, Freed from Medicine Captivity
ST. LOUIS, MO - Roger Springfield, a 28-year-old internal medicine resident at St. Louis University Hospital, was rescued last weekend by conservationists after being abused and held captive for nearly three years. Roger cried...
Ben Carson: Heart Attack Victims Could Have Survived If They Cathed Own Coronaries
DETROIT, MI - According to retired neurosurgeon and presidential hopeful Ben Carson, patients who have died due to acute myocardial infarctions or “heart attacks” could have saved their own lives if they had simply...
Trump Tweets About Several Medical Specialties
Trump is at it again. This time it involves tweets regarding several medical specialties. Enjoy!
The Search for the Remains of Jimmy Hoffa Turns to ABIM’s Philadelphia Condo
PHILADELPHIA, PA - The decades-long search for Jimmy Hoffa took yet another an unexpected turn this week following revelations that the American union labor leader who had ties to organized crime was not participating in...
Intergalactic Health Council Recommends Galaxies Stay at Least 6 Million Light-Years Apart
THE GALAXY OF ANDROMEDA - The nearby galaxy of Andromeda has been watching with bated breath as novel coronavirus rapidly spreads around planet Earth. No longer feeling safe at a distance...
European Society of Cardiology Recommends Aspirin Before World Cup Final Kickoff
MOSCOW, RUSSIA - Heeding the advice of the European Society of Cardiology (ESC) ahead of the 2018 FIFA World Cup Final at Luzhniki Stadium between France and Belgium, both French and Belgium officials have...
Med Student Given Important Task: Find Out What’s on Today’s Menu
NASHVILLE, TN - Instructed by her team that the task she was being given was of the utmost importance, third-year Vanderbilt University medical student Erin Sperling undertook the mission, and that was to find out...
COVID-19 Breakthrough: Redeployed Da Vinci Can Swab One Patient Per Day
BOSTON, MA - In what is already considered the biggest breakthrough against COVID-19 in the United States, surgeons report that Da Vinci robots have been redeployed and will be able to swab...
Surprise! Ridiculously Restrictive Transfusion Threshold of Zero Associated with Death
BOSTON, MA - In a truly eye-opening study published in the New England Journal of Medicine, the results of which no one could have predicted, a ridiculously restrictive transfusion strategy (hemoglobin threshold <...
White Doctors Removed From Endangered Species List After Successful Breeding In Captivity
WASHINGTON, DC - In a landmark move marking the resounding success of the Caucasian Physician Breeding In Captivity Program (CPBCP), the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service (FWS) has removed white doctors from the endangered species list.
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