Empowered Patient University Established, Medical and Nursing Schools Threatened
SAN JOSE, CA – A new university stands proud and tall in the heart of downtown San Jose. Empowered Patient University is enrolling its first class this year. The new university will enroll people...
Match Applicants Shocked to Find Med School Personal Statement Was Legally Binding
In a stunning reversal of fortune, fourth-year medical students around the country are reacting to the shocking news that their medical school admission essays penned some four years prior were, in fact, legally-binding contracts...
Medical Students Horrified to Learn That All Patients Die, Eventually
PHARMA, OH - A lone tear splashed to the floor, followed by a steady trickle as the residents tried to console the sobbing medical students. "We saved his life," whimpered one snot-faced student. "By the end...
Medical Student Applicant Gets a 23T for MCAT Score, Stresses the T During Interviews
MONTPILIER, VT - Nathanial Monson, who goes by Nathanial for pretentious purposes, scored a 23T on the Medical College Admission Test (MCAT). The MCAT is a four-part test designed to thin the heard of...
Report: Nurse’s Candy Drawer, Only Chocolate Laffy Taffy and Dum Dums Left
CARDIAC FLOOR - Reports around the hospital are the nurse’s candy drawer on the cardiac floor has run cold.
"You mean to tell me I started rounds on the 7th floor only to have the drawer picked...
Army Medical Student Disappointed to Hear Apache II Score Has Nothing to Do with...
SALT LAKE CITY, UT - Third year medical student and prior helicopter pilot, Tim McGrowler, was disappointed to find out that the APACHE II has nothing to do with helicopters. “I was getting excited on rounds when...
Report: Medical School Limiting the Number of Creepy Applicants to Cut Down on Creepy...
OMAHA, NE – Creighton University led the nation last year in normal to above normal applicants. "We have a pretty good applicant pool when it comes to socially acceptable students," Dr. Nipper, Dean of...
Scrub Machine Programmed to ‘Mess with Staff’
CHICAGO, IL - Recent discoveries in computer programming have allowed programers of Dameda Scrub Machines to program a very interesting feature: the scrub machine can sense "how busy or lost" a person looks when...
‘Real World Medical School’ Canceled After One Episode
SAN JOSE, CA - The Real World Medical School was immediately canceled by NBC after the first episode last night. "Absolutely nothing exciting happened," said viewer Stacy Henderson.
John went to the library and studied for...
Near Death Experience for Medical Student After Taking Chart During Change of Shift
MILWAUKEE, WI - Richard Henning, a third-year medical student, has no idea how close he came to perishing at Memorial Hospital yesterday. At approximately 7:04 a.m., Hennings interrupted a nursing change of shift report and took the medical...
