“New Intern” Added to Patient’s Problem List
Joining the ranks of “Congestive Heart Failure,” “Chronic Kidney Disease III,” and “Mood Disorder (Unspecified),” local patient Summer Days’ inpatient active problem list has expanded to include “New Intern” as well now that fresh...
Ode to the Death of the Physical Exam
Here ye, here ye
On this day we take the time to remember
The loss of a fond friend,
The physical exam
Gone are the days
Of the bedside JVP
Absent a waves, dominant v waves,
Now we just Lasix them...
NBME Announces Yet Another Board Examination STEP Up 4
PHILADELPHIA, PA - In an unexpected press release, the National Board of Medical Examiners (NBME) revealed that a new Step examination for the United States Medical Licensing Examination (USMLE) was being instituted. The new...
New Report Shows Patients & July Interns Equally Frightened by One Another
NEW YORK, NY - Patients and July interns are all equally frightened by one another during the month of July, sometimes into August and even June the following year, this according to a new...
Paranoid Intern Rules Out TB with 99 Negative AFB Sputums
BOSTON, MA - Not taking any chances when it comes to his patient's and his very own health, July intern Reed Evans plans to rule out tuberculosis (TB) in his hospitalized patient not with...
Medical Student Forgoes Last Year, Jumps to Residency Draft Early
In an unprecedented move, John Cummings held a press conference in the student lounge to announce his decision to forgo the last year of medical school and put his name into the residency draft.
"First...
Fortune Cookies Replace Lotto Numbers with Vital Signs
BROOKLYN, NY - In an effort to appeal to health care professionals who order Chinese food for take out because the cafeteria is closed, fortune cookie maker Wonton Food Inc. have decided to replace their...
USMLE Board Study Tips by Wet, Wacky and Wobbly
Studying for and taking the USMLE can be stressful. Here are 10 tips to help you prepare for the real deal:
1. Train your bladder by drinking a gallon of water and trying to complete...
Applicant Deemed Overqualified for Medical School
PHILADELPHIA, PA - An especially qualified applicant to medical school was distraught at finding 25 identical rejection emails in his inbox on March 15. It seems the reason is an unusual one: he is...
Hangry Intern Opens Up Vintage Packet of Graham Crackers from 1981
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Figuring that there was no better time to celebrate than during this particular overnight call, University of California, San Francisco (UCSF) surgical intern Jose Rioja has decided to open up a...
