Monday, September 21, 2020

Nursing

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Breaking: CPR Requires Prior Authorization

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - In breaking news that will infinitely complicate the already difficult process of attempting to resuscitate a patient, cardiopulmonary resuscitation (or CPR) will now require prior authorization. The prevailing reaction to this news...
TLC

Sign Out: Patient Just Needs a Little TLC

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ATLANTA, GA - A patient is transferring out of the medical intensive care unit today and, according to the MICU team, "just needs a little TLC" before being discharged home.

AMA Admits ‘We Are in the Pocket of Big Oxygen,’ Issues Formal Apology to...

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Anti-vaxxers, conspiracy theorists, naturalists, you had it right all along. Our rampant greed as medical providers knows no bounds. You have called us out time and time again for being in the pocket of...

Nurses’ Poker Tournament Cancelled Due to Cardiac Arrest

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SEATTLE, WA - In a disappointing turn of events, nurses were forced to cancel their weekly poker tournament when a patient unexpectedly went into cardiac arrest. The patient, who was brought in...

Intern Inadvertently Orders Negative Pressure Ventilation; Patient Placed in Iron Lung

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DALLAS, TX - While placing orders on rounds, intern TooMany Orders clicked over to the Respiratory section in the hospital’s surprisingly thorough EMR. The patient was having difficulty breathing, and he needed to place...
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After Meticulously Changing Wound Dressing, Nurse Looks Forward to Doctor Immediately Effing It Up

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BIRMINGHAM, AL - After taking 20 minutes to meticulously clean and beautifully redress an elderly patient's dressing over her sacral decubitus wound, nurse Brittany Bingham is really excited as she looks forward...

Boston Scientific Reveals New “Drug-Eluting Bracelet”

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MARLBOROUGH, MA – The role of proper hand hygiene in preventing healthcare-associated infection is well understood, yet the CDC reports that American healthcare workers wash their hands less than half as often as they...

NASA Nurses Still Awaiting Callback from Extraterrestrial Docs

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Saying it's been well over 45 minutes since they had sent the pages, nurses at the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) are still awaiting callbacks from any of several extraterrestrial...
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A Step-by-Step Guide on How to Use Incentive Spirometers (or Marijuana)

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Is this your first time using an incentive spirometer (or marijuana)?  Well, you're in luck: our Gomerblog team has created this easy 15-step process to using your incentive spirometer (or weed).  Don't be intimidated,...
nursing diagnosis

Is Your Nurse Trying To Hook Up With You?

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Being admitted as a patient can be a scary and vulnerable time. Why not take this opportunity to get laid in your hospital bed, reverse Trendelenberg style! Talk about a rush of blood to...
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