The Truth Comes Out: Wound Care Team Actually Doesn’t Care About Wound
MOUNT LAUREL, NJ - Brace yourselves, a long-assumed notion once held about a certain class of health care professionals has just been completely obliterated: A spokesperson for the Wound Ostomy and Continence...
Study Finds No Nurses Station Exists With 1:1 Ratio of Computers to Chairs
BOSTON, MA - A landmark study published in the Just-Like-New England Journal of Medicine has confirmed that no nurses station in any health care facility across this country has a 1-to-1 ratio...
RN Shocked Code Isn’t Etched Somewhere on Door, Doorframe
PHILADELPHIA, PA - Confronted with a locked door with an electronic keypad, a nurse was shocked to find that the code was not blatantly etched on the door or doorframe somewhere.
Breaking: CPR Requires Prior Authorization
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In breaking news that will infinitely complicate the already difficult process of attempting to resuscitate a patient, cardiopulmonary resuscitation (or CPR) will now require prior authorization.
The prevailing reaction to this news...
Sign Out: Patient Just Needs a Little TLC
ATLANTA, GA - A patient is transferring out of the medical intensive care unit today and, according to the MICU team, "just needs a little TLC" before being discharged home.
AMA Admits ‘We Are in the Pocket of Big Oxygen,’ Issues Formal Apology to...
Anti-vaxxers, conspiracy theorists, naturalists, you had it right all along. Our rampant greed as medical providers knows no bounds. You have called us out time and time again for being in the pocket of...
Nurses’ Poker Tournament Cancelled Due to Cardiac Arrest
SEATTLE, WA - In a disappointing turn of events, nurses were forced to cancel their weekly poker tournament when a patient unexpectedly went into cardiac arrest. The patient, who was brought in...
Intern Inadvertently Orders Negative Pressure Ventilation; Patient Placed in Iron Lung
DALLAS, TX - While placing orders on rounds, intern TooMany Orders clicked over to the Respiratory section in the hospital’s surprisingly thorough EMR. The patient was having difficulty breathing, and he needed to place...
After Meticulously Changing Wound Dressing, Nurse Looks Forward to Doctor Immediately Effing It Up
BIRMINGHAM, AL - After taking 20 minutes to meticulously clean and beautifully redress an elderly patient's dressing over her sacral decubitus wound, nurse Brittany Bingham is really excited as she looks forward...
Boston Scientific Reveals New “Drug-Eluting Bracelet”
MARLBOROUGH, MA – The role of proper hand hygiene in preventing healthcare-associated infection is well understood, yet the CDC reports that American healthcare workers wash their hands less than half as often as they...
